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How bad are college parties? In terms of the ohhh, drugs, etc.

My GF and I are both seniors in HS. We both have consumed alcohol before, but she’s been to a few more actual parties and has been to a couple more recently. One of these was a college party with a friend down at the college she plans to attend this fall. I don’t know why I feel this way but I just get scared about the whole idea of college parties. I hear stories all the time and see stuff about how out of hand they get, especially at colleges (her friend is in a sorority as well) and I 1) want her to be safe and 2) don’t want her to get taken advantage of by a college dude. I know she wouldn’t cheat on me, but if alcohol is involved, then really anything is possible, especially if it involves a dude who wants her. I guess I’m just wondering how to deal with these feelings as a man and learn to not worry so much.

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16 Comments

  1. To be fair, every party sounds a lot worse than they actually are. There is mostly a minority who is doing some crazy stuff and that’s where people talk about, so it sounds really bad.

    About the dealing with your feeling parts, it’s a difficult situation. If you can trust your gf, you can definitely talk about it with her. Just be careful that you’re not gonna be the bf who’s disallowing her to go. You can try to bring it more in a way like, it’s difficult for me to deal with it, because I don’t know if you’re doing fine. The thing is, the issue is not the party, but your feelings, so talk about your feelings and not the party.

  2. > How bad are college parties? In terms of the sex, drugs, etc.

    Completely depends on the group of people involved.

    > I don’t know why I feel this way but I just get scared about the whole idea of college parties.

    Sure you do. It’s the fear of loss. She might meet someone and hit it off. It’s a normal train of thought for most people your age. You’ve clearly invested a lot of time and effort into the relationship and you don’t want to lose it.

    > I hear stories all the time and see stuff about how out of hand they get, especially at colleges

    Again, totally depends on the group of people involved. I’ve been to tame parties and rowdy ones. What made them that way were the people running the show.

    > her friend is in a sorority as well

    Oh. Well, on a scale of 1 to 10 how…” Free spirited” does this friend seem to you? Men and women don’t like to hear this but if you’re GF hangs around women with reputations, they tend to take on those behaviors when the circumstances are right.

    > I don’t want her to get taken advantage of by a college dude.

    Highly doubtful. Unless she drinks to the point she blacks out and she’s surrounded by predators. Only you would be able to give us an idea of her drinking habits. If she doesn’t drink and excess and respects the relationship, you shouldn’t have a problem.

    > I know she wouldn’t cheat on me, but if alcohol is involved, then really anything is possible

    It’s good to acknowledge this because every time someone tells me he/she wouldn’t cheat on me, it sounds like nails on a chalkboard. I’m going to be brutally honest here. The only way men/women won’t cheat on a partner is if they never put themselves in a position to present an opportunity. Going to parties, clubs, bars, etc alone/with the girls present opportunities. It just is what it is, and I’d rather people not kid themselves.

    > I guess I’m just wondering how to deal with these feelings as a man and learn to not worry so much.

    I think it comes down to these things. You’re not 100% confident that she wouldn’t do something behind your back. Chances are it’s because you internally pick up on behaviors that you don’t like. In addition to that, you’ve invested a lot into her and you don’t want to see it tossed away on a couple of drinks and a good looking dude. Totally understandable, but I find these feelings tend to subside a lot if you have a plan of action moving forward. Ask the tough question. What would you do if she cheated? From that answer make a plan of action and follow through. The mind tends not to worry about a situation when it has a plan of action to follow if it occurs. This applies to just about anything.

  3. All this stuff depends on her, nothing you can do to really change anything. She has to know her limits / what’s safe / how to set boundaries, and even if they’re worth going to. She’ll know after the first party or so whether she likes em or not.
    If she’s going to cheat she was gonna cheat whether you did anything different or not. Also if she cheats on you while drunk it’s just as bad. All you can do is be your best self and trust in your girl.

  4. Tbf parties are different than media portrays. And how they go is totally dependant on the people. I had parties where everyone got shitfaced drunked but no sex at all occured, parties where we were basically just 5 naked guys sitting around a table at the end playing cards against humanity while ignoring the a few slightly pissed girls, to sober (1-2 beers each) snoozefests (with nice chats though) or a flatparty where we decided after 2 hours of booze and stuff to just scrap it and start making and decorating cookies for the next 4h with our oven and the neighbours one.

    And always keep in mind that people always talk about the crazy stuff. For every rager, there are 50 average, normal or boring ones.

  5. I could go over all the healthy trust stuff with you, but frankly almost no high school relationship survives freshman year of going to different colleges. And the stories about the crazy shit that happens at college parties is pretty overblown but i think frat and sorority parties are a whole different animal. I think you should consider breaking up on good terms before you have a chance to hurt each other. I wish me and my high school girlfriend had. High school shit never lasts. Unless you really feel in your heart that I’m wrong, you should start thinking about it. Don’t make it about not trusting her. Make it about seriously considering whether you have a deep enough connection to make it through such a chaotic new chapter of life being adults for the first time.

  6. Just break up and save yourself the worry, because it sounds like you’re the jealous type, and you’re going to get jealous.

    I didn’t date ANYONE in my teens and early 20s because I know I’m the jealous type. I just had fun and partied. College parties suck anyway, military and house parties in the ghetto is where the real fun is.

  7. I mean it might sound shallow and sexist and not PC but if your gf is going to college parties shes gunna end up banging some dude. College dudes to high school girls are hot.

    It’s so early in formation of how to be in a relationship at that age shit gets all fucked up. Either establish boundaries that you don’t like her doing that, trust she won’t or break up.

  8. My house in college was the unofficial frat house because my roommate (and still good friend) was vice president.

    Keep in mind I was really skinny in college and had a wild loose curl afro and wore Malcolm X glasses half the time. Decidedly not cut from frat cloth.

    × cocaine was at every party

    x the new years parties we threw (it was called “Shit on a dick” and it was a trilogy….3 years) pretty much featured all the drugs from black tar heroin to benzos to meth to whatever else

    x multiple guys on girl happened at least twice (which is why I always kept my bedroom door locked during parties)

    x my friend who was a late late late bloomer lost his virginity to a well traveled young lass on my bed

    x sex happened but like….it was always a small % of who was there and it wasn’t always the same people, although there definitely were guys who were consistently getting some.

    x to shed some light on the intense competition in this environment I think its best summed up by an excited statement uttered to me when I started talking to this one girl and she looked at me….”wow omg even the nerds at this party are cute”

    Like as if she was having a sensory overload. This was before nerds being hot was a thing. She was mindblown by the coexistence.

    So the parties are not quite like the movies but at the same time quite like the movies.

  9. They are shit. College students are supposed to be adults, yet they act like a bunch of animals. Never understood how getting piss drunk and vomit over someone you’re fuckin’ is considered a fond memory.

  10. Not all college parties are the same – and a lot of it depends on the people. Some don’t have any drugs, alcohol, or sex, and some do have a lot you may see in some of the movies.

    But that doesn’t mean everyone will get drunk, fucked up, high, or having sex. Okay, maybe most will at least get drunk, but not everyone will get high and hook up.

    A lot of it will depend on her, if she knows her limites and who she goes with and hang out with at the parties, like if they look out for one another. You just have to learn to trust her judgment man.

  11. If she hasn’t cheated on you yet she probably won’t because from my experience when a high school girl goes to a college party she’ll definitely end up fucking a hot college guy. College parties are very different though and some involve less alcohol and sex than others.

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