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Honestly, just how bad are you judged for not having experience with a girl in your late 20s?

Its never been a big insecurity for me or a top priority. I know that other things should take importance, but I realize some people aren’t going to be understanding or more adult about it.

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43 Comments

  1. Think of it this way. If someone knows you don’t have experience and you get into a bad argument with them, what do you think is going to be the first thing they attack? There’s your answer. People will say it doesn’t matter, but it does.

  2. I haven’t reached my late 20s yet but as someone that hasn’t had any experience with a girl I’ll say this. When people find out I’m a virgin they have one of 2 reactions. They’ll be like damn for real you got to get laid or oh ilikemyface3 you’ve never done that that’s so sad. Then like 3 minutes later they’ll be like “should we sign I likemyface3 up for Tinder”. I’m really not harshly judged and people seem supportive.

  3. There’s plenty of confirmed bachelors out there.

    But if you do decide to start dating, women are going to take it as a **potential** warning sign. Some guys that haven’t dated in their late 20s are in that situation because there’s something offputting about them to women, so they’ll be cautious of that. And most women by that point prefer someone with some experience because they’re past the training wheels stage of relationships/sex and want the same in their partner. And if someone describes dating as something that hasn’t been a top priority to them, then there’s a reasonable expectation that even after they start dating it won’t be a big priority to them. A lot of women your age, assuming you’re in the western world, are at the point of wanting to marry and settle down to have kids, if they haven’t already, so gambling on someone that’s been disinterested in dating isn’t a great choice.

  4. Depends on the people you hang around with. Personally I never had issues with being judged for not having experience in my late twenties. Turned out that I was not the only one who lacked experience.

  5. Pretty badly. I had 0 relationship experience until I was 24 (had lost my virginity years earlier but never had a girlfriend) To the woman I dated and was open about this to, most would tell me it was a turn off because they thought I was some fuck boy or worse a mommas boy. I’d get the whole “oh youve never had a gf, bet you probably just sleep around” spiel.

    It was worse when I was a virgin as well, I actually got made fun of by a lot of the women I dated because of that and the guys around me were even more brutal. I’d say just keep it to yourself man, it’s not really their business anyway. I’m 26 now and dont have these issues anymore but in my early 20s (20-24) it really fucked with my self esteem.

  6. I’m 27 and never been on a date. On the rare occasion that I tell someone I’ve never been in a relationship, I can tell it’s pretty off putting.

    Edit: Sorry, not trying to discourage, just giving my personal experience.

  7. I suppose it depends on why. I know plenty of totally decent dudes who didn’t really have much experience with women until then. They’re doing fine now. But I also know a couple of guys that got all angry and bitter and self loathing about it, and, well, I don’t know how they’re doing now, because I didn’t keep up with them.

  8. You’re worried about the wrong thing.

    How people judge you isn’t the main problem.

    It’s like getting to adulthood without ever learning to ride a bike, swim, or read and write. These are skills that are naturally learned when you’re younger, but very hard to learn for adults. They’re hard enough to pick up late, without social stigma making them even harder.

    Romance and intimacy require some social skills that take practice to learn, just like anything. If you’re late – that’s okay, but you’ll need to find a patient teacher, be aware of the risks (like being taken advantage of, heartbroken, or ending up stuck with the wrong person) and be yourself, no matter how people judge you.

  9. To be honest, it would depend on my perception of his attractiveness. Like I might just think “Oh, that makes sense” if he’s awkward and/or not very good looking. But if he seems pretty well adjusted and comfortable around women, I would wonder if he’s asexual or closeted gay. Not in a judgemental way like those two options would reflect poorly on him, but you know, just wondering.

    Either way, I’m not going to make fun of him.

    As far as other things being important… I’m not sure what so important that you couldn’t date. It sounds like you just aren’t interested.

  10. As always there are women who will mock you, women who won’t mind, women who prefer it, and women who will leave you because “it’s not my job to teach you.”

    That last one I heard on some catty show on the tv in the waiting room of my car dealership.

  11. Most people don’t care about most other people, so you won’t be like judged for it in day to day life. But if someone is platonically or romantically interested in you, lack of experience is definitely a turn off for some. True or not, it indicates to the other person that you’re undesirable for whatever reason. The subconscious confidence that comes from romantic experience is also huge and apparent.

    I’m that always lonely dude, lol.

  12. Yeah people are not understanding. I’m a 25 year old virgin and it’s painfully obvious how off putting it is to women.

    But fuck em anyway (not literally obviously lol). I’m gonna live a dope ass bachelor life doing my hobbies and not being tied down to anyone

  13. Bad people are going to use it to hurt you
    Inconsiderate people may use it as a joke, not knowing how painful it can be
    Compassionate people will sympathize, and maybe even try to set you up with someone if you’re a good person.

    The trick is only caring about the opinions of the good people

  14. I mean people will always tease people for being different. I get teased bc I’ve never been on a plane. Obviously the teasing extent is different between those two but my point is anything outside of the norm will draw attention.

    I think that fact alone isn’t that big of a deal but usually a lot of other things come along with that fact.

  15. The most desirable women to us, men, are not going to want someone who has no experience by your late 20s. Respectfully, she’s going to think there’s something wrong with you if other women haven’t given you the privilege of having an experience whether there’s something wrong with you or not. She’s experienced because she’s always been a desirable woman since puberty hit and so she’s been in the game longer and wants a partner who’s on her level. Keep your head up kings and keep self-improving, you attract what you are.

  16. My friends bullied me incessantly for being socially awkward and not being able to score. When I did finally losey virginity to some girl I didn’t care about my most idiotic friends were like “I bet you came right away huh”

    I don’t talk to them anymore

  17. From what I’ve seen personally and heard from friends, male friends and relatives don’t seem to care too much unless they’re really juvenile, and unless you’ve somehow clued them in that you are, indeed, heterosexual and looking, may stay silent on the chance you’re actually gay and still in the closet. If you’re open about looking, and failing, most will be supportive and if their perceive that you’re open to suggestions, give them.

    Female relatives will try to be supportive, but unfortunately often either try to assure you what a catch you are, but unfortunately without being very realistic or helpful – More like attempts at ego soothing. Or, in some cases, may start giving you crap for things you do that really don’t matter, or that you can’t change, in the search for a viable partner. Like bag on your hobbies, friends, short stature, hair loss and whatnot.

    Female friends, if you have them, will also rarely be offering anything useful, but at least if they’re real friends, they won’t crap on you for not having had success. Same as above, they’ll often offer attempts at ego soothing, but not much actionable stuff. You also need to be a little wary, since it’s not unheard of that female friends, despite not having any romantic interest in you personally, and despite sometimes even having shot you down when you tried asking them for a date, will make suggestions that, if followed, will make it harder for you to get another woman to date you, or they may even go so far as to sabotage you and your dating prospects.

    Which isn’t to say that female friends can’t be extremely helpful when they want, it’s just that if you’re at this point, then your female friends, unless quite recently acquired, most likely haven’t really tried to help you out, and probably aren’t disposed to do so. When they actually DO want to help, they can be fantastic. Both helping setting you up with their friends and acquaintances, if suitable, as well as being really good wingmen (wingwomen?) when/if you try to get someone unknown to them to risk a date with you.

    It’s mostly with people you don’t know, or vague acquaintances, where you are likely to have people crapping on you for you inexperience, both men and women, although the forms the crapping will take tend to be gender differentiated, and for women, will also depend on if they’re someone you’ve tried asking out, or just randoms around you. The latter often wield the fact of your lack of success like a club, and will use it to bludgeon you with, if there’s a disagreement or similar, and they lack any factual/relevant retort.

    From what I’ve been told regarding the former, many women are decidedly skeptical about starting to date a guy who have no previous romantic experience, under the theory that if they were any good, *some* woman would have tried to snap them up. If nobody did, they assume it’s because of some flaw they haven’t yet spotted. It’s a good heuristic in that it catches a lot of really hopeless and/or obnoxious cases, but come at the cost of rejecting often perfectly good, if inexperienced and/or shy, potential partners.

  18. Everything takes time in life — especially experience with women. Some times people get experience in high school while others get their start in their late 30s.

    If it takes you a while (like it did for me) to get your shit together **before** you date/sleep around then hell, you’re ahead of the crowd. No one will judge you, in fact they’ll applaud you. I’ve known many people whose lives are in shambles when seeking out someone to share a moment/life with.

  19. > Honestly, just how bad are you judged for not having experience with a girl in your late 20s?

    In you’re 20’s? Not at all. That is something most people would expect from teenagers. Once you hit adulthood you’ll be judged by income, career, and overall contribution to society.

  20. Nobody knows, but even if they did I doubt they would care. I wouldn’t care even if they judged me for it, because my self worth isn’t dependent on anyone else’s opinion of me. I’m 31, for fuck’s sake. I ran out of fucks a long time ago.

  21. The ironic thing is, women will largely ignore men in their early 20s because they don’t have any career or resources. Thereby denying these men said experience.

    Then when these men are older, they expect those very same men – who have been roundly ignored – to have “experience”. And get pissed off when these men do not have that experience.

    Unless you are extraordinarily handsome or talented at a socially-prestigious skill (athlete, musician, comedy, etc.), or possess dark-triad sociopathic traits that make you dangerous and exciting, most women will ignore a man in his early 20s who is not-wealthy or without resources. Unfortunately, men who meet these traits are a distinct minority of the not-wealthy cohort of young men.

    Which kind of sets the majority of other not-wealthy men up for failure later on, when these same women have amassed considerable experience but these guys have not. Like, where are these guys supposed to have acquired this experience from? Hookers?

  22. who’s doing the judging? Family? Coming from a good place that they want to see you with someone and happy. Friends? Same, I don’t like seeing my close buddies lonely and sad. Or if they aren’t those things I don’t really care.

    Randos? How would they know if you are single or not?

  23. The biggest judgement comes from yourself. There will always be fuck heads who act like fuck heads, but for the most part people are incredibly understanding or indifferent

  24. It depends on the type of people that you have around you tbh. I recently moved in with some dudes who care waaaaaay too much about sex and all that, atleast compared to me. But some people judge you for just not getting any experience to the opposite gender for some reason. My advice is to get friends who care about other things

  25. Not really at all. Initially, there’ll be a learning curve and some women might be mildly annoyed but most women care more about your ability to make them feel loved and accepted than anything.

    In fact, if you can’t accomplish this, you’re not making love. You’re just fucking. Women won’t stay with a dude they just fuck.

    One in three guys have ED. Fun fact? You have a 66% chance of lasting longer than me.

    How do I know this? I have ED and I’m not at all embarrassed. I just go down on the mrs. and we use toys. She gets off every time. Really not that hard.

    Women still stay with us even if we suck in bed so long as they feel loved.

  26. A lot of women are going to be lame about it, frankly. And as much as rejection is going to suck, try not to take it to heart. You’ve been living your life, and if they can’t handle that, too bad for them. Just keep moving until you find someone who isn’t crap.

    For sure, do not dive right in with the first woman who is nice to you, she might be totally cool and you’re just lucky, or she’s really not. There are a lot of women out there today who think it is not only ethical but “empowering” to use a man for his money/time/whatever, and then just drop him when they get bored and move on to the next one. Not interested in debating the merits of whether or not that’s acceptable behavior, but you do not want to get involved with someone like that your first time out. That doesn’t mean be a paranoid asshat and assume all women are manipulative gold diggers – it means keep your head, and if she wants you to do something you’re not comfortable with / that doesn’t feel right to you, stand up for yourself and say No. If she presses you, break it off with her and move on.

    It may take awhile to meet someone you have chemistry with – that’s okay. It’s not anyone’s “fault”, it’s just how humans work. Again, don’t get too serious too fast – just try to have fun with it and if something feels wrong, say so. Open and honest communication is the ideal circumstance. Good luck sir.

  27. Maybe someone will have a better idea, but how much of a factor is it if you *have* been with someone but it’s been years since you were?

    I was engaged to someone 8 years ago when I was college but that fell through and hadn’t dated anyone since then due to a mix of getting over it (and now) wanting to finish my post-grad degree. I’m not actively looking until I’m done with school but that won’t be until my late 20s/early 30s. Would this be sufficient to explain my “resumé gap” for people?

  28. Here’s the deal. Is there anything wrong with you if you don’t have experience: no

    Will some people judge you for it or take it as a red flag: probably

    If I were you, I just wouldn’t volunteer that knowledge until it’s either asked for, or you’re both somewhat committed already

  29. 22 year old virgin here.

    Honestly since you’re older than me, i don’t think you necessarily have to tell them that you are a virgin, like when does that actually come up in conversation?

    Check out “Nina Hartley teaches how to eat pussy” on xvideos. It’s like a 20 minute video of her actually talking about things like the clitoris and stuff like that. I heard it reccomended before a few years back. So maybe look into that for learning

    Also, maybe hire a sex worker if you can. r/sexworkers has a post on how to hire a sex worker safely. I think Nevada and Amsterdam and Australia(or New Zealand) may have decriminalized prostitution, but don’t take my word for it, so look into it. So maybe book a trip after covid if you can afford it.

    If you can’t, then try looking into a pocket pussy (idk if there are any that actually feel like pussies, but maybe you find something close to help you get familiar with the feel of a vagina)

    Also, maybe try lowering standards and just focus on losing the virginity if it isn’t important to you. Like just pursue a woman who isn’t as attractive and just lose your v-card

    Also, maybe look into a sex therapist to help in case you have questions or whatever, or ask their advice on how to approach a potential date as a virgin and communicate your inexperience. They’re probably better at understanding human sexuality anyway

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