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Have you ever been in a toxic relationship? What was it like?

Have you ever been in a toxic relationship? What was it like?

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28 Comments

  1. Think about it like being in a situation where despite everything you do or say, someone you’re always wrong, or never doing enough. Where you are always smothered and feel like you have no choice or say. Where you were happier by yourself than together.

  2. It was a living hell. When she wasn’t mad it was ok. But she was mad for about half of every month. Just long enough for me to keep telling myself that she changed. Out of no where she would just start sending me one word texts and fought me when ever I tried to find out what was wrong. After about a week and a half of it I would get distant too, and would stop asking what was wrong. Then she would say some awful shit like telling me that I don’t even care about her anymore. Not just that, but she would degrade me too. An example is at prom there was a fountain that you could get your picture taken in front of. Well after she got one of herself in front of it i asked if I could get one with her. She looked me in the eyes and said “you don’t matter” and walked off. In addition to that I had to learn to walk on egg shells when ever I said anything to her. If there was any way something I said could be taken as something bad she would go off on me.

  3. It was like being cheated on a bunch and lied to constantly and kicked to the curb once the baby bump showed up and she was too fucking cowardly to even let me know she’d hurt me and soured forever my chances of trusting ever again.

  4. He was very controlling, messed up with my self esteem since college, I am out of that relationship for 5 years, but I can still see how the toxicity has affected me even now because I was with the guy from my teenage years and for a long period. My confidence levels are super low, I despise myself everyday for loosing opportunities and for letting him control my life

  5. Not great.

    Constantly double guessing yourself, constantly walking on eggshells thinking you might say the wrong thing. They get you alone so they can craft a narrative, they tell people different shit, people tell you different shit, you don’t know who or what to believe. They soak up your time and emotional energy which keeps you from alternative perspectives. They do a constant push pull thing, they have a big dramatic break up, then the next day act like nothing happened and take you out on a nice date, then break up with again a couple days later.

    They make molehills out of mountains and mountains out of molehills. They create an arguement out of something you feel totally neutral about to begin with, then they throw a big dramatic take of their own feelings into it in hopes of either polarizing you or making you zoom in on this petty bullshit. Everything, and I mean fucking everything is of eternal and religious significance.

    Then you get sick of the shit and quit talking to them and they’re absolutely mystified that you’re upset.

    Then they call you out of the blue years later to apologize, then sell you a juice cleanse and invite you to sell juice cleanses. A while after that, you run into them and they try to set you up with their kid sister. It takes another year or two to figure out that not all women are like that and that plenty are not deeply disturbed psychos.

    In my defense, I was a teenager and she was late 20s. I don’t think I’m too much to blame for not realizing what was going on till after I was snakebit by it.

  6. Horrible, it was my first relationship as well so I didn’t know what was normal and not.

    It would be interesting to see her today, I wonder if she’s still such a psycho.

  7. It was my first serious relationship, so I thought it was normal. I was constantly stressed about her, worrying about her problems and life on top of mine and frequently felt that I needed to. She was constantly emotionally sad about something and while confiding in me I saw it as my job to fix, when it was not.

    Communication became fragile as I didn’t want to trigger sadness so I was often not knowing what to say or do. Her response was to ignore current feelings and put on a smiley-goofy mask while playing baby games. I hated it so much and when expressing those feelings was met with more puppy dog eyes and games about how could I hate something so cute. Just dismissed and downplayed.

    While this toxicity is more a breed of two people’s differences in a relaxing being ignore rather than someone being the root of all evil, it was not a fun experience.

  8. I dated a girl that was emotionally/physically abusive in one of my early relationships when I didn’t know any better. She would get crazy jealous if I talked or hung out with any other girls, would yell at me and then try to gaslight me, and would physically hit me and then try to play the ‘You cant hit me back because I’m a girl’ card.

    Dropped her after venting to one of my friends and he was like ‘Yo, why do you put up with that?’

  9. Not toxic in a traditional sense but it was looking back. Neither of us had ideal mental health but we’re both empathetic so we prioritized each other over ourselves. We were also both introverted so we spent too much time together (if that makes sense)

  10. – one: You are the only one that sees that she has a problem (highly functioning alcoholism). Her family and her friends agree on her doing just fine.

    – another one: my stuff was ours (quite often, hers), but her stuff was HER stuff. I was always broke, she wasn’t. Took me years to realise that I wasn’t generous, just plain idiot.

  11. Yeah. Any problem was my fault, including the ol’ “you cheated on me in my dreams” when I never cheated at all. She did though and that was my fault too. Oh and me breaking up with her and her finding another guy who is just as toxic as she is and isn’t good for her? I pushed her to him so that’s my fault too. Her bad choices were usually my fault.

    In her defense, she does have depression and grew up with crappy parents and a father who blamed her for existing as well, but oh well.

  12. Not bad, when I was in it.

    Its okay, I messed up and deserved to be yelled at.

    You are right, I am fat and lazy. I worked 12 hours in the sun, but I could do more, I’m just weak.

    No one else will love me, but I have you so its okay.

    We moved away from my friends and family, but its okay I don’t need people around me, let just help you, because you do so much for me…

    Now…. now I’m scared and spent 15vyears unlearning those things.

  13. Sucked a lot bro. Fight, break up, stop texting for a while and when my life is starting to back on the path of normalcy she shows back up saying how she’s taking a proactive approach of getting better and you think “well it can’t be that bad, maybe the relationship can be salvaged”. Then back to the manipulation, lack of communicating, and being made to feel the king of a dirt pile because while she does gas you up, it’s far and few in between and it doesn’t feel much like a relationship of actually wanting to be with me but more of a convenience to her.

    Happened A LOT over the course of 3-4 years and months of not talking at times only for her to show back up. I did love her, a lot and that’s why I went back so many times. But after getting tastes of normalcy over those breaks with different women, that love started to slowly crumble away until it was too a pile of dirt. Now? I don’t care about her at all and am moving forward into a new chapter of my life alone for now but will be avoiding the red flags instead of trying to catch em all.

  14. Manipulations, mind games, physical/verbal abuse, constant lies, guilt tripping, blame game, jealousy…just to name few things which happened multiple times a day. Living under same roof for few years and all the time walking on egg shells drained my mental health badly as it was constant tension in the house. I’m two years+ toxic ex free! Life looks completely different now 🙂

  15. It’s like being stuck in a river with fast currents, you can try to swim to the shore but you’ll just get washed down stream until it’s all over or there’s enough solid ground to climb back up onto your own two feet and walk away.

  16. Both parties mentally keeping a laundry list of what each the other person did wrong, lack of communication, a drawn out break up, insulting one another and lack of disrespect on both sides.

  17. In high school when I was about 14 my first ever girlfriend was really abusive. She constantly hit me whenever, would kick me in the balls regardless of where we were. (Usually in a public place). She would insult me and force me to ‘act like a man’. The final straw was when she tried to castrate me. After that I noped out.

  18. It was awful. The verbal abuse destroyed me. She treated me like shit. I was called “stupid” and “an idiot” all the time. She was constantly yelling at me in front of everybody for silly things. One time, she yelled at me and called me “a huge idiot” because I stepped into a garden’s gress for 3 seconds in our university. Plus, she never lost the chance to point out how dumb I was. It was my first real relationship and I was madly in love with her, so I lied to myself saying it was okay and that this was only her way to deal with a relationship. She ended up cheating on me while I was at my gradma’s funeral in another town. After that, I got really depressed, started taking meds and isolated myself from my friends. I got better after some years, but still have a lot of problems to start new relationships or open up to another girls. Its been 4 years, but I can still hear all this verbal abuse in my head.

  19. It was weird. She’d do dumb shit of try and start drama out of nowhere.

    I realized immediately that the problem was her, and would just make space when she’d act out.

    Not the desired or expected effect – her exes all played along/participated…so her behavior got worse more frequently until about 7 months in, she tried to start a “fight” over me watching porn.

    First time it has even come up in conversation, and I was awful for cheating on her. With videos.

    By then, I had already decided that if she started another dumb conflict I was out. So I was out.

    Basically, it was this woman acting like a toddler at me, then doubling down when I wasn’t responsive. Rinse and repeat until I walked.

    It’s important to be able to identify bullshit and it’s source.

  20. The longer I am out of the my last relationship the more I start to think that maybe it was toxic. At the time I never actually felt it was toxic despite being told it was by my sisters and friends a number of times.

    She was nearly 10 years older than me (I was 20 and she was 29 when we met) and I told myself that this is what it must be like being in a long term, mature relationship. Looking back I spent a lot of my time in the relationship worrying and on edge about things. If I went out with friends or family or to do something without her I was constantly clock-watching as I knew I’d be in trouble if I came home later than I’d said.

    It’s kind of crazy looking back at this now and what I thought was ok and normal at the time. She actually wrote out a list of rules for me to follow in our relationship. It was mainly everyday stuff and if I started to get slack she’d either email me them again as a reminder or simply tell me to “remember the rules of our relationship”. Maybe it sounds super weird to people reading this but at the time I just convinced myself it was normal and what being in a grown-up relationship with a grown-up professional woman was like.

  21. Sucked. Cheated on repeatedly in a very short amount of time. Pressured into having sex despite having strep throat. This was 14 years ago. My wife asked about this relationship and when I described the whole being pressured into sex bit she just sat for a moment and said “That is your ‘me too’ moment.”

    I was shook for a solid hour after that.

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