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Have any of you ever felt inadequate or not as “manly” when it comes to DIY?

I helped remodel my house when I was younger mainly because I didn’t really have a choice but it is just me and my mum and even though I will try to do the DIY stuff that I can, I sometimes feel like such a let down because I don’t know how to do certain things especially when there is no father figure around. Just wanted to know if there were others who felt like this, don’t get me wrong I will try but it just requires me to really psyche myself up sometimes.

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35 Comments

  1. Honestly, between all the instructional books, YouTube and local shops that offer classes there are very few things that you can’t repair these days if you want to put in the effort.

    One of the few things I won’t work on is gas or major electrical work.

  2. I can definitely attest to this, I don’t really know how to build things without instructions or paint walls or mount tvs or any other stuff like that. DIY stuff definitely needs to be learned though, it’s not ingrained in all men from birth as much as I wish it was. The internet’s got soooo many resources on it and I use it whenever I get stuck and it always helps me figure out the problem, and you’re not any less manly for using it. Everyone’s gotta start from somewhere.

  3. No one inherently knows how to do that stuff. No one comes out of the womb knowing how to drywall or properly wire an electrical socket. You have to learn that shit. If anything being self-taught in stuff like that is more “manly” than how the rest of us learnt it. I would have much rather learned for youtube videos than watch my dad smack his head off the bottom of the sink and yell at us.

  4. I could have spent two days in my attic wiring a fan mount and dropping wires through my walls, or I could pay a guy a day’s wages to do it for me and *know* it was done right.

    It’s not just about recognizing my own limits of knowledge and capability (which I certainly do), it’s also about recognizing the value of my time.

  5. I grew up without my dad and had to learn everything. It is always tough realizing I don’t know how to do something around the house. 99% of what I learned is from YouTube which is such an amazing source for information.

  6. Yeah, not as much anymore. I just remind myself that everyone has to learn somehow and I take the time to learn now. There are usually a bunch of YouTube videos or answers on message boards for whatever I’m trying to do and I learn from those and get better every time

  7. All the time. I try to figure it out as It go. Internet helps learn things but without someone there who I can ask questions it often turns out poorly till I do whatever it is enough to learn from my own mistakes.

  8. I used to.

    There is very little you can’t learn on youtube now a days though. Just give yourself a break and take it slow. Be okay with mistakes, that’s how you learn.

  9. Growing up as “the man in the house” with a single mom, there’s a ton of stuff I was never taught how to do, but I know how to google. It’s easier to pay someone else to do it, but it’s always cheaper to do it yourself, and the time invested is worth the tremendous sense of accomplishment.

    Just start with a small project… preferably one you can just throw away if it doesn’t work out!

  10. I didn’t learn much of this stuff when I was young either. The good news is that most of this handyman stuff is pretty easy. There are tons of good youtube videos on how to do all of it. It takes about 20 minutes to learn a task from youtube. Watch a video and give it a try

  11. The only reason you don’t know how to do something is that you simply haven’t learned it yet. There are so many resources these days.

    I went through a time where I was paying others to do most of the handiwork and repairs, and I only did the simple ones myself. After a few really nasty situations occurred, I opted to do 99% of it all myself. In one instance, a fairly extensive car project went awry and I lost a considerable amount of money. In another instance, a company did some very costly home repairs for me and the main issue was never actually addressed, just glazed over. It was infuriating.

    Now, any time something breaks, I fix it myself. We even converted one of our garage bays over to be repair and maintenance only, with a 2-post lift. No excuses anymore.

    I won’t lie, at first I was very self-conscious about my work and constantly second guessing myself. “Did I do it right? How do I know?” Then, people started commenting “Wow, this turned out amazing! Who did you use for it?” Things I fixed remained functional. It was a real confidence booster, and my wife loves seeing me handi-man around the house and yard fixing things. I went from having a small single-chest toolbox to about 15′ worth of toolboxes, chock full of tools.

    I needed to do some heavy work outside in our yard, and our lawnmower was certainly not up to the task. I went out and bought a subcompact tractor and that thing has paid for itself already. A few local landscaping companies quoted me $3500-$5000 for putting down mulch in all of our landscaping areas, house perimeter, tree rings, etc. I can do it myself for a $350 dump truck full of mulch and $5 worth of diesel in an afternoon now. Moving rocks, logs, etc? That little tractor has saved me so much money, and probably a few ER visits.

    It’s all about weighing things out. When highly skilled labor is necessary, I still let the experts do it. Otherwise, I’m using it as a learning experience.

  12. Never. I grew up without a father figure as well but took an interest in diy and soaked up as much knowledge as I could, I still am too! If there is something I don’t know I look at it as an opportunity to learn more and jump right in knowing I have YouTube to guide me if need be

  13. Im pretty good at DIY but nothing manlier than bening good at my craft and accomplished enough in the career to write a check and have a specialist travel out to me and deal with my problems in a fraction of the time. Idk if Jeff Bezos ever feels like less of a man because he can’t patch a roof

  14. The culture of “you’re not a man if you can’t do this“ is dead. You are no less of a man if you do not know how to rebuild an engine or fix a leaky faucet. Nowadays it’s just people who know how to do shit and people who don’t. Dadfixeseverything is a good site to start at.

  15. My Dad was (and still is) useless when it came to any type of home improvement. The person that has introduced me to more tools and fixing things is actually my SO. Imagine feeling less manly than your good looking gal. She is unafraid of trying certain things and that has made me more confident to try and do things myself. The only thing we aren’t confident in really is plumbing, but we’ve done a lot there as well. The internet is a really good place to look around and see what others have done, there is honestly a set of videos for just about anything. Know your limits though, sometimes it is best to leave things to the professionals.

  16. not at all cause i realize what my skills are. im not a Carpenter, electrician, plumber, or mechanic…ect. these are just not things i have any interest in. so thus i employ those people who have said skills or whatever skill that i need but dont have. there are a lot of things that you should do yourself, but if you dont have the skills either learn it or get someone that does. doing something that you are not trained in can be foolish and hazardous. it has nothing to do with being manly and everything to do with mature rational thinking.

  17. My wife grew up in the country and is *super* handy, she knows how to do all sorts of DIY repairs and fixes. I, on the other hand, am totally clueless with those sorts of things but do other stuff around the house like cooking and baking.

    As long as we’re splitting the errands equally and stuff gets done, I don’t really care about sticking to traditional gender roles.

  18. I’ve never felt inadequate about DIY projects. Obviously there are some things that I know how to do well, so I have no problem doing them. For example, basic plumbing repairs, sheet rock repairs, some landscaping. But, there are some things I won’t touch; I don’t do electrical.

  19. I took wood shop back in high school and worked a buzz saw, built furniture were a power drill while working at Hobby Lobby; aside from that I’m not very competent when it comes to handy work or DIY projects. I’m a weak link and it’s very evident considering people don’t ask me favors to help move things or come together for projects.

    I’m a homebody so I don’t really socialize as much. With that being said, I do inadequate in the eyes of my fellow man and women.

    But I’ve learned over time that I’m not brains over bronze at this point so to me, that’s a nice trait to recognize and acknowledge.

  20. Besides YouTube a lot of stuff is just trial and error IMO. After building my first desk out of wood I felt like a complete dumbass, but I recently build myself a bed and I did a pretty good job. Just learn from mistakes and be patient

  21. Yeah.

    The important thing is that the knowledge is out there and you can seek it out, you just have to not let yourself get discouraged because you don’t already know it.

  22. I have a father who’s very handy and I’m still not so much. He’s an ass and a terrible teacher. Every time I work with him one of us gets fed up and we fight. So when it comes to DIY, I do what I can but I know my limits. I like trying new things and learning how to do it through YouTube, library books etc. There’s lots of material out there, and nothing is holding you back from learning it besides your motivation.

  23. Try and diy a piece of furniture, that’s what helped me develop some confidence.

    And you can mess it up as much you want, it’s never gonna mess up a house in an irréversible manner.

  24. Normally, no. Except when I go to some place filled with professionals. Like last week I rented a mini-excavator and felt dumb having to tell the guy I’d never operated one before. It wasn’t like a Home Depot. It was a Kubota dealer that also rents machines out.

    Also, my truck is just an F-150. Could barely tow the thing. They almost didn’t let me take it.

    But otherwise i think I put most DIY guys to shame.

  25. I really just have confidence in my ability to figure it out, but also the humility to realize that there are some things where paying someone to do it will have a better result. The reality is that most things involving a house really aren’t that complicated. Learn the basics of how things go together, and then you can reason out how most things are built and work from there. Half the fun is figuring out what you need to do. There are also plenty of resources out there these days if you want to quickly work out the right way to do something.

  26. All the time. I suck at craft trade shit, don’t have the patiences or temperament for it. Left a lot of projects half assed or untouched until I had that seld realization that kind of stuff won’t get done until I hire it out or ask for help.

  27. My father worked in the trades, and since I was young I’ve been put to work. So I’m pretty sound when it comes to many DIY tasks. My father taught me many things, but the most important one which he constantly tried to instill in me is this “ choose your battles”. And he was 100% right. Some things you just leave to the professionals and just outsource instead of doing it yourself.

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