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Guys who didn’t have much/ any success dating, how do you stay positive?

Just a guy who never had any luck trying to stay positive

Edit- Thanks to everyone who replied, lot of good advice. All I can do is just continue to live my life and try to get some hope back.
The most common advice I got here was to stop giving a %%%% and live my life…Absolutely no problem doing that-Except one thing when nothing happened When I am trying what will ever happen If I stop trying? I guess how to deal with that anxiety and stress was what I was looking for here, got great advice. Did not expect so many people to take time to comment here. Hope people in similar situation as me find someone if they want, people who found someone congratulations! Goodnight

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47 Comments

  1. Well, realising that I’m still young. Also, it’s a pandemic, it’s kinda difficult to meet new people. So I still have that hope that it’ll happen someday.

  2. I used to get real upset that it seemed girls didn’t like me. Maybe my bar was too high too. But I’m an average looking guy – not gorgeous, not ugly. After a whole bunch of rejections I eventually just stopped being upset about it. I’m a little too clumsy and awkward to be good at chatting up women I barely know. So I just stopped trying that approach.

    There are lots of handsome and charming men who do well flirting with women they’ve just met, I’m not one of them. Instead I just try to widen my social circle. This means trying to make friends with women. Don’t hope or expect them to be into you. Just sincerely try to become friends. I’ve found this also helps me realize whether or not we’re really compatible. I’ve befriended a lot of pretty girls that I was interested in, then when we became friends I realized they weren’t really my type personality wise. But maybe I befriend someone and stay interested. When I feel comfortable, I might share my feelings of attraction. If they return those feelings, great. If not, then I still have a new friend.

    To sum it up I stay positive because I know I’ll meet thousands of women in my life. Odds are one of them is going to like me. Maybe it wont be till I’m thirty or forty or older until I meet them, but it’ll probably happen. In the meantime work on becoming the best version of yourself. That way when you meet miss right, you’ll be able to put your best foot forward.

    ​

    PS I know this reply assumes your only interested in women. The same advice applies for gay men too. Just swap out the gendered words.

  3. Can you be more specific about what hasn’t been successful? Played the field for years and failed many times with women before dating my wife. I’m a huge positive mental attitude guy and can relate to the ups and downs. What is it about dating that you don’t feel successful at?

  4. If you don’t try you don’t fail is my process.

    Unfortunately I also apply to that to far to many other areas of my life. You also have no success, but I’m used to that so it’s really the hope and trying that hurts more than the lack of success.

    I’m not advocating for it, but it’s how I deal with things.

  5. Fail often enough that you stop craving it so much. Then redirect your energy elsewhere — probably to hobbies.

    Also, I recognize that I’m not entitled to romance, that the *majority* of people never “find the One”, that a romantic partner is a bonus to a good life but not essential.

    Also, thank God(s) I’m not stuck in a loveless or abusive marriage.

    OP, be thankful for what you have, pursue your other passions, and rub one out if you need to. Just keep going.

  6. I’m introverted and accept my nature more as I’ve gotten into my mid-20’s. A lot of the pressure to have a gf is no longer there after leaving college. I also would rather be alone than be with someone who makes me feel alone.

    I basically quit ‘trying.’ I’m just going to keep being myself and let it happen, if it happens at all.

  7. Ya know, life aint so bad to spend alone I’m realizing. The world can still be beautiful even if I don’t have somebody to share it with. Today is burrito day, so I’m pretty excited about that

  8. Fuck dating. At the end of the day, I’m 21, I have a great family and amazing friends that I love, I spend as much time with them as possible. I have hobbies that fulfill me, and I am studying in a field that is simultaneously interesting, fulfilling, and well-paying. I don’t need some random woman to be happy ot feel good about myself.

  9. Just focus on other things in life. I seem to have been too old to not already be married in this area and have been ever since I was 23 or so, when I was finallyout of college and finally had the free time and money to date (I’m 29 now). I have zero luck on apps within 30 miles of home (and only get people outside that radius when actually visiting the other towns) and none of my friends, family, or coworkers in this area even know any single women at all here. If they know any single people at all its maybe another dude who moved here for work with one of the defense contractors. If I’m desperate enough I can on rare occasions pull a hookup from an app but nobody of decent quality who isn’t a complete train wreck.

    Just gotta keep living life though. I have a few family and friends to hang out with. And I’ve always been pretty independent and willing to do things on my own. Moving could probably help but when I look at options I’m usually stuck with “jobs, outdoors/public lands, affordable for a short commute, pick 2” so I stay in utah.

  10. Honestly it’s really trite but reading silly inspirational memes about famous historical figures like Abraham Lincoln, who failed over and over before reaching the top. I just have to believe that every failure makes me a bit more competent, and when it finally clicks, I’ll be a great partner

  11. I stay positive because I know that when I put on 30 pounds of muscle and get rid of my love handles I will be a 9/10. I also know that dating is more of a buyer’s market for men in their 30’s if they have their shit together.

  12. “Stop giving a fuck” is a coping mechanism for failing.

    Work on yourself. Improve constantly. Do something that makes you better every single day. It will become easier over time.

    When you’ve committed yourself to that lifestyle for an adequate amount of time, dates will be MUCH easier to find.

    I say this as a formerly-obese computer programmer who is now pretty in shape and no longer has any issue getting laid.

    And no, getting laid isn’t the end-goal. When you do so much that you’re proud of yourself for what you’ve done, then you love life. Being able to get laid is just one perk that comes with genuinely loving life.

    That’s why “stop giving a fuck” is a coping mechanism. If it comes from people who love themselves and are constantly improving then it has an entirely different meaning than when it comes from bitter and lazy internet people who refuse to better themselves, which is what Reddit represents in a general sense.

    You shouldn’t care about other people’s opinions of you, but you definitely should care about yourself and about your situation.

    “Don’t worry about your problems” is never a solution to your problems.

    “Don’t worry about what other people perceive to be your problem if you genuinely don’t care” is what they mean to say, but you obviously care about dating.

    There’s nothing wrong with caring about your love-life. But if you want someone to love you, you have to love yourself first, and that is hard work.

  13. I’m distancing myself from dating apps because I’ve decided they’re unhealthy for me. And I don’t blame myself entirely there – women on there are difficult to get any conversation out of. Just being honest. For the average guy, I think dating apps are a raw deal. So, I’m going to replace that with pursuing social activities. Things I enjoy that happen to be social. Where I’ll enjoy myself even if I don’t find someone through it, but keeping the door open should someone walk in. That’s how I’d want it to happen anyway. I also think I’ve been trying to find someone to fill a void of not having many close friends. Beyond that, just trying to put the focus on myself and take a break from it.

  14. Everyone’s going to give you their two cents, that they didn’t really find someone until they stopped looking. That they’re better of single etc. If you ask four people you’ll get four different answers and the fifth will be right. I tell you this to bear in mind when I answer.

    It is difficult, and wearying, but would you want to be in a relationship with someone who wasn’t interested in you? Putting aside morality and what is best for them, is that good for you? I’m sure there are women in your life who you like, but wouldn’t date, is it a lack of something in them? Probably not, I have several female friends who would usually tick all the boxes, but for some reason I can’t really view them in a romantic light. It isn’t that there is something WRONG with them, they just don’t fit with me like that. You wouldn’t put a tomato in a sundae, but that doesn’t mean the tomato is rotten.

  15. I would just focus on improving myself. You have to be the person people find desirable. Plus there’s a certain satisfaction in hitting personal milestones. I’d just focus on moving forward. Things will fall into place as you do!

  16. I’ve been reasonably successful, but have hit my share of quiet times as well.

    Use that time to improve things about yourself. Take pride in your own personal accomplishments. Find fulfillment in friends and family.

    The more you wallow in your lack of success, the less you will have. Focus on your success as an individual, and everything will fall into place. It’s a slow, boring, seemingly endless grind, so you have to take those small wins and let them boost your attitude. Letting your success, or lack there of, with dating define you will ultimately make you less appealing to potential quality partners.

    That’s how I get through lonely times.

  17. So I’ll start off by saying I have never been “good looking”, I’ve always been very overweight, and I went bald at 19. I’m now 43, and I began to realize in my 20s that as long as you’re confident (but not cocky, or an alpha male douche), communicate openly, be social and outgoing (I’m an extrovert so that’s easy), have a decent personality, and be able to discuss numerous things, you do well. I’ve dated tons of women and had tons of success. I’m constantly told by my friends things like “how did you get her, she’s way out of your league” etc. I began to ask the women I had success with and the things I listed above are what they told me about myself. If you come off as too introverted or lacking confidence most women aren’t interested. Also honestly just ask questions, most women want to talk about things that interest them.

  18. >never had any luck

    Well, first let’s identify where your problem is.

    Are you unable to get your foot in the door? Are you asking people out in person and getting rejected? Are you mass swiping right and not getting any matches?

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