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Guys who are in a relationship of 6 + years. What do you think is the key to making it work and staying in love?

Guys who are in a relationship of 6 + years. What do you think is the key to making it work and staying in love?

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  1. Never stop trying to “woo” the other. Once you fall into a mindset of complacence, things start crumbling.

    My wife and I will be at 10 years next year. We talk once a month about how we’re doing in marriage, our needs, what we appreciate about the other, and what we could both work on over the next month. It works great. We call it the “zero judgement time” and anything goes. Honestly it has helped us get through some rough times where life throws so many punches, you start to neglect marriage. Even when things get that rough, you have to nourish the relationship and not just shove it on a shelf for later.

  2. People say relationships are hard work but they’re not, its a lot of small and consistent work.

    Nip issues in the bud before they become problems, make an effort to be a aware of your SO’s mental health and don’t become complacent. Keep this stuff in mind every day and you’ll both be much happier.

  3. Healthy Communication, vulnerability, honesty, have a strict code of conduct and never violate your own code of conduct when you are fighting. Let her express her feelings, she needs to let you do the same. Learn how to express your feelings in a way that isn’t a direct insult. How you act in conflict arguably matters more than how you act when not in conflict. Always be willing to compromise and work things out. Be attentive to their love languages, if for instance if gift giving is important them but not to you, genuinely learn why it is so important to them and learn to love them outside of your own language(s). If you are monogamous don’t cheat, it’s not worth it.

    Have common interests, be able to have comfortable silences, and just genuinely love each other’s company. Be nice to their friends, respect and be nice to their parents and family. Support their hopes dreams and ambitions, be their biggest cheerleader. Consider how you can make their life better or easier from moment to moment, even small things like also bringing them a drink when you get up to get yourself a drink. Respect her intelligence, the way her mind and emotions work, and the ways she is different from you. Accept their darkness, because it is a part of who they are, they must be willing to do the same for you.

  4. At the end of the day she is my second best friend (my main best friend has been with me since we were 4), and I love her so much that I would kill a man for her.

  5. Talking and sex and talking about sex and talking during sex. But not sex during talking.

    Kidding aside it’s basically about continuing to build each other up when the shine comes off. Flaws can easily turn to resentment, and resentment is what makes relationships get cold.

  6. Finally, one right in my wheelhouse.

    Communication is key. I met my wife when I was 21 and we’ve been together for 17 years. First and foremost, you have to aceept and understand that after 6 years (or however long) you’re not the same people anymore. You’re shaped by the world and your experiences, both shared and individual. The key is to find the best way to grow together rather than apart and that comes with communication.

    You have to be confortable discussing your differences and the things you don’t like in a constructive and non-confrontational way. That means being accepting and vulnerable. I think a lot of folks, men especially, struggle with being vulnerable because society tells us we should always appear strong. Fuck that bullshit.

    You also have to latch on to the things that do bring both of you happiness and invest in them while understanding that those things change over time as well, especially after you have kids and time you get to share becomes limited (at least during those early years).

    I hope this helps!

  7. Don’t stop trying to be attractive to your partner. Keep dressing well, keep working out, and keep up your hygiene. Getting comfortable and letting yourselves go will destroy the bedroom imo.

    Maintain hobbies that don’t involve them. Don’t be afraid to do things without them.

    Treat them well. They are your love partner so try to build them up. Don’t make them feel bad about themselves.

  8. 1. Have the same values. Repeat: Have. The. Same. Values. You can have different opinions on movies, on food, on hobbies, on music — none of that stuff really matters. My wife and I have the same values when it comes to the important stuff like how we want to raise a family, how we see the world outside of ourselves, what we prioritize spending our money on, and (broadly) how we view politics and society. This is absolutely key for everything else that matters in a relationship like compatibility and communication. If you don’t see the world the same way, or your place in the world the same way, you’re gonna have a bad time.

    2. You should WANT to be patient with each other. It’s not always easy, but practicing patience and empathy shouldn’t be a chore. You want the best for each other even if you don’t understand the other person’s needs right away.

    3. Prioritize your SO at every opportunity. That doesn’t mean being a doormat, but if you are making big decisions, make them together and approach it from “How can I make this work for my SO?”, and then work back to your own needs from there. They should do the same for you.

    4. Realize that 9 out of 10 arguments can be resolved by getting some sleep and a new day. That old maxim of “never go to bed angry” really isn’t true. My wife and I do most of our bickering in the evening when we are tired and grumpy. We usually mutually apologize in the morning because we don’t want to start the day that way.

    5. Be grateful for what you get from your SO. My wife makes me laugh, she is there for a hug when I’m stressed, she is there for me to chat with when I’m bored and want to shoot the shit. And we genuinely try to help each other with the usual daily life shit (trouble at work, parents being a lot to handle, etc). Really practice gratitude for what they provide you every day, even if it feels automatic, even if it’s just a quiet, internal gratitude.

  9. My wife and I started dating long distance so we got used to constantly communicating and have never let that stop. We also have almost identical moral, political, and religious ideals which has kept us from arguing so there’s that too 🙂

  10. 1. Having things you like to do entirely separate of the other. People judge to this one. But go have fun with people other than your LTR. You have lots of time together. Have your own hobbies is the tldr.

    1a pretend to like her hobbies.

    2. Having things you like to do with each other. You need joint hobbies. Maybe it’s streaming dating shows. Maybe it’s rock climbing. Don’t care

    3.Being friends. Might be the biggest one. Do you like to hang out with this person fully clothed? No? Why are you together?

    4.Having sex. Different types of sex for different situations. Sometimes you want candles and a hotel room. Sometimes you need to push your wife/gf/bf/husband and just push (gonna stick with her cause I am straight) your wife up against the fridge, rub your boner up between her ass cheeks, stick your hands down her panties, squeeze her titties and kiss her neck. Take a deep breath and a pause for a little bit so you don’t nut it your pants and then go back to it. All this consensually of course. Fellas do this when you first see her after work like 1-2 a month. Even if you don’t feel like it because work wears you and you just wanna rest. She has had your cum in her mouth when she wasn’t up for sucking a dick but did it cause she loves you more times than you know.

    5. Lie about little things. I love watching this show. You look great in those pants. Dinner tastes amazing. If she cares about it you die before you give up on the lie. Why? Because (yes I am making it sexual again deal with it) if she can moan while giving me a blowjob as though she’s having an orgasm I am going to pretend whatever stupid shit she watches on Netflix is good.

    5. Ride or die for your partner (in public). Back her up in front of her friends. Wait until you are home to call her out on some bullshit. If she (or he) can’t take responsible sane criticism you should probably find another potential mother of your children.

    6. Say I love you and hug.

    7. Don’t get fat.

    8. Don’t get fired. Why do many marriages fail? Because the husband got fired and can’t get a new job.

  11. My wife and have dated since 15. We are now 30-31 with a child.

    1. Communication is key

    2. Make love often

    3. Work on yourselves and have your own hobbies.

    4. Make financial choices together.

    5. Forgive the little things.

  12. 38 years together.

    Learn to communicate effectively and honestly. Even when it seems the hardest. In fact, especially when it seems the hardest.

    Learn to listen and not get your panties in a twist.

    Work at it every day. Relationships are like gardens, they require tending or the weeds choke out the crop.

    Forgive each other, whether they are wrong, or you just think they’re wrong. And even when you don’t want to. At the end of the day, the forgiveness is more for you to be able to get past the hurt.

    Learn to cherish your differences. As you get older, you’ll likely find that you will become more like each other. That’s normal, just don’t lose sight of the beauty of polarity and individuality.

    Have separate hobbies. Its not good to do everything together. You should be growing as individuals as well as a couple.

    Learn to let it go. Not every perceived slight is important enough to become a major issue. We’re all flawed in some way. Allow others their idiosyncrasies and accept them in spite of them. You don’t have to change, or define, the each other.

    Tell her you love her. Learn each other’s love language and get out of your own long enough to fulfill the others needs.

    When things get rough, never threaten to leave. If you say it do it. Otherwise, the words should never come out of your mouth. Make this demand of the other. You both need to know that the other is in for the long haul and will work thru issues even when the last thing you want is to be in the same room at the same time.

    Support each other. All the time. But be honest, direct, and yet gentle when you need to call them out on something. Be supportive even when calling them out.

    Never stop having fun together.

  13. Supporting the personal and professional growth of each partner, a healthy and intimate personal life, giving each other space when necessary but most importantly communication.

  14. Go. To. Counseling.

    Couples counseling has been amazing for us. We had a decent relationship, we loved each other, we had (good) sex… but counseling really helped to COMMUNICATE with each other. And that has been a big difference maker in both of our satisfaction. We learned how to talk to each other in a way that we both feel heard. And when we both Dee heard, there is a lot more room for love. 10/10, would recommend to everyone, no matter the current relationship status. Just be real and come in with the thought that you both have to work to find each other in the fog.

  15. Complacency kills relationships, never stop working to keep the fire going and it tends to work out. Plus you gotta find someone who gets you and doesn’t get offended by all the pranks you will inevitably pull on each other cause you both find it funny.

  16. It’s really as simple as frequent sex, open communication, similar hobbies, and lastly, comfort towards each other.

    Physical looks are important initially but it at some point moves beyond that.

  17. Clear communication, framing arguments as us vs the problem instead of me vs her. Mutual respect for each other’s personal time and goals. Frequent date nights, but also frequent outings with friends without each other. Knowing when to compromise. More than anything else, committing to make it work instead of breaking up during trouble.

  18. Just be honest about EVERYTHING. If you feel like things aren’t like they used to be then they probably aren’t. If you choose to be honest about situations. Don’t make it seem like anything is the partners fault. Everything is a team effort. 100% on both parts.

  19. She doesn’t nag or complain. She’s doesn’t want to argue and neither do i. Her having a fetish for white dudes probably doesn’t hurt. We both agree that a partner should bring ease and comfort rather than abrasiveness. Been together 7 years and it still feels like the honeymoon phase.

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