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Guys, what’s something that you learned the hard way but can now help others to avoid?

Guys, what’s something that you learned the hard way but can now help others to avoid?

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48 Comments

  1. Two car lengths is a minimum.

    Your follow distance while driving is not just so that you don’t rear-end someone, it’s to give you protection against any kind of crazy shit.

    Like someone illegally changing lanes and driving the wrong way.

  2. If you’re confused about whether or not she’s into you (Like she acts hot and cold, actions don’t match words etc) THEN SHE DOESN’T LIKE YOU SHE LIKES ATTENTION. Move the fuck on.

    Also if someone says they’ll change after a big fallout or fight and then they don’t, leave. That’s it. One and done. Take it from someone who spent ages waiting for them to change. If they wanted to change they would, don’t get caught up in it. My situation was extreme and involved them going to therapy and being very emotional about change – it’s all smoke and mirrors. If they wanted to change they will – straight away. Don’t hang on for ages – it isn’t that hard to change bad behaviours you have conscious control over.

  3. If you commit to a partner early in life then you better be ready to renounce many things that you might have done otherwise. Even if she seems like the right now you want to protect yourself from having children until you can raise them properly.

  4. Don’t mix up obsession with love. I was in a bad spot, absolutely obsessed with this girl. Turned me into an absolute jerk and not someone I wanted to ever be. If they don’t show interest in you romantically, don’t push it. You don’t want to be that person.

  5. You’re a replaceable resource to your company; it’s just business. And HR isn’t your friend. They’re there to make sure you aren’t a liability to the company.

  6. Any time you hear the words: ‘man up’ or ‘be a man’ just know that the person who is saying that is trying to manipulate you into doing what they want..

  7. I wrote about this last week in another post but it’s worth repeating, imho.

    Take a moment to google if your state has informal (aka, common law) marriage. This goes for both gay and straight guys. If you are living with an SO and then break up, you can be sued for divorce. I can hear you thinking from here. “But wait. We were never married.” Exactly. That’s the Kafka novel I’m living right now. We were never married, but he’s suing me for divorce because we live in a community property state, and if the court declares we were married and then we get divorced, there’s this little thing called equitable division of assets that gives your ex half of what was earned during the “marriage”, even if he never contributed a penny to those assets. Even if he was a money suck who fucked around from Day 1. I’ve been planning for my early retirement since I was in grad school, and I’m there now. I’m 61 and I can stop working, finally. But if the court rules in his favor then I stand to lose hundreds of thousands of $$ if the worst-case scenario becomes real. Common law marriage is not a joke. Find out if your state recognizes it and what conditions must be met for it to exist. And then protect yourself accordingly. I’m learning a very, very hard lesson and wish someone had told me these words 10 years ago. Do it now. Google it.

  8. Most guys overestimate their safety. Men are victims of aggravated assault and murder more often than women. Don’t walk around a city at night by yourself, always carry pepper spray. Just because you’re a guy doesn’t mean you’re fine.

    Also, do not get into street or bar fights. You never know what the other person is capable of and you can get seriously injured or killed.

  9. If you take a girl home from the bar/club** who says you don’t need to wear a condom because she’s on birth control, it almost definitely* means you do need one because you’re not the only guy she said that to recently.

    Thought with my d-link and it burned when I peed a couple weeks later.

    Unless it’s a partner you’ve known for a while don’t risk it, it could have gone a lot worse reflecting on it…

  10. Don’t cosign a car with someone you’re dating, no matter how much you think its gonna work out.

    All those times you thought about calling your older loved ones like your parents or loved ones but felt too busy to are gonna bite you in the ass.

    If you dont say I love you when you meant to, you’re going to regret it forever.

    Blood doesn’t have to mean family, and family doesn’t have to mean blood

  11. Wrap your dick up, even if she says she is on the pill and you have been together for years. Unless you want a kid, take charge of your own contraception.

  12. Credit card debt.

    I got myself in the hole, eventually decided I’d had enough of feeling shit about it, learned everything I could on how to manage myself and money, and eventually kicked it’s ass so hard I can afford to buy a house from savings.

    I now teach anyone who will listen the same things I learned.
    Got my mum out of 15k of debt I never knew she was in, til she realised I had been in her place.

  13. I am 6 years sober now, became sober with 24 after years of alcohol and drug abuse. I am really open about it so people often ask me for advice when it comes to addiction.

  14. Might sound dumb or maybe it was just me but no matter the reason, don’t feel pressured to propose and later marry anybody for any reason other than LOVE. The more you create a work around to make it work, the more it backs up until you’re both in a lot worse situation to part ways.

  15. Stick to the recommended alcohol consumption limits.

    No marriage without prenup.

    Stay fit, harder to get it back.

    Buy land and lots of it.

    Take a risk, take lots of risks, fortune favors the bold.

  16. No matter how close you are to someone, there is always going to be a last time you speak with them.

    And no matter how close you were or frequently you were in contact, you’re probably going to feel a way about not reaching out one last time when you still could.

    I don’t know that I can say anything to make that feeling go away, but it’s normal.

    You’re not alone.

  17. You’re not important. You’re not special, or unique, or anything of the sort. You don’t matter.

    Because no matter where you are in life, with whom, or doing what, wherever, whenever, it’ll all go to hell when someone else comes along. Always.

  18. If you hear “man up” or “real man” come out of somebody’s mouth in an argument, the thing you should “man up” about to be a “real man” doesn’t benefit you in anyway, bro. You’re being manipulated.

    Probably in your best interest not to get married what with today’s laws being skewed to benefit women.

  19. Don’t date rich girls unless your equally as rich or richer. They will leave you in the dust, at least in my experience they seem to be all high-and-mighty yet they’re unable to pump their own gas.

  20. Take care of your teeth & health

    Marriage is completely designed for woman. Careful getting into one.

    Don’t date single moms, ever.

    Have multiple sources of income if possible.

    Make a plan and stick to it. But have a plan b and c if things go south

    Rub one out before ANY big decisions.

    Take time to think about things. You never have to decide right away

    Don’t do drugs or text and drive.

    It’s okay to be unethical but avoid illegal

  21. If you like someone, have a crush on them or are worried about what they’ll think – just ask them out or drop them a message. I definitely missed out on even having a chance with a couple of girls that were, in hindsight, most definitely into me purely because I was terrified of being rejected or looking stupid. Girls get propositioned all the time, and at the end of the day they’re just people too. Being a regular, non-creepy guy as opposed to a drunk or a pest, can go a long way. Men joke that you have to “shoot your shot”. Well. That saying ain’t exactly wrong. I’m not bothered about any of those girls now, but definitely had a lot of regret for not making a move at the time. With the girl I ended up with, I went out on a limb, and took a chance, and it paid off.

  22. Diet and Sleep are more important than exercise when you are trying to lose weight. I slogged in the gym without giving much thought to my diet. I did gain strength but my body fat percentage is still high.

  23. I didn’t understand the “game” of dating. I came from another culture, and only got introduced to this recently.

    After having women trying to exploit me for money, attention, validation, etc… when they weren’t interested, I learned that the only way to “win” the game is not to play.

    If you think a girl is playing, drop her immediately.

    Same advice for women, tbh. Don’t tolerate games.

  24. If some fucked up shit happened to you or you witnessed fucked up shit in your life, please seek professional help.

    You don’t really think of trauma and how it messes with your social and romantic life at all until a professional tells you or read about it in a book.

  25. “Trust, but verify”

    Actually, don’t trust anything that a prospective woman tells you, especially if your intuition automatically questions it. Seek verification or walk away

  26. dont use coals with burn inhibitors in a forge.

    lots of small bits (not sparks like normal charcoal like actual bits of burning coal) come flying at ya at quite an alarming rate.

    not a very efficient thing to do either in the heat front

  27. Compound interest applies to more than just money. Enjoy your younger years, but do so in a way that sets you up to be happy later.
    Taking on some suffering or difficulty in the short term is how you get things in the long term.

  28. This one was rough to learn, but I’m glad I did:

    The best of friends make the worst of influences. Your friends have an interest in keeping things the way they are.

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