Skip to toolbar
Street

Guys, how do you keep cool when you really like a girl but she is dating multiple guys?

With modern dating, it seems a girl will speak and meet a few guys at a time as they can be picky with who they choose. Went on a date last night and she casually mentioned she has other dates lined up but wants to see me again.

I really quite liked her and hope she picks me, but how do you guys keep cool knowing she is also dating others?

Edit: I didn’t want to make the girl sound bad, this is a very normal thing with modern dating! I just wondered what ways men had to not get jealous and keep cool when dating a girl who is going on other dates. She isn’t sleeping with anyone (I hope) yet!

View Reddit by rxeceView Source

Brisbane Structural Engineers Brisbane Structural Engineers
Tags

city guide

The publication focuses on fashion, style, and culture for men, though articles on food, movies, fitness, sex, music, travel, sports, technology, and books are also featured

41 Comments

  1. I keep things straightfoward and simple , for instance is she is seeing other people so do I.

    If I want just to date her but she is not open to the idea , I move on, I’m not a toy who she can choose when she wants to and then leave and come back.

    I don’t have to compete for her with other dudes , because I’m worth more than that.

    So dude dont settle , be open to either move on , or date more women and who knows maybe you might find someone who wants the same things as you do , and doesnt tell you what she said.

  2. Be genuine, show interest if it’s present, take initiative, and nurture patience.

    If you two are a good match, being genuine is the fastest way to find out. It also means be genuine with yourself, do you have to put in work to enjoy this persons company?

    If you’re interested, demonstrate that. Be open and direct with your feelings, unless your rapport with this person is more based on the unspoken and reading between the lines of flirtation, which is fine too. But find ways to show your interest.

    If you take the action to move first, offer plans, and otherwise put the aforementioned interest into motion, all you can do is succeed or fail. And then move on accordingly.

    Finally, being patient with the weirdness of modern dating is a great practice for the weirdness of modern relationships. At the end of the day, not all relationships will work, and not everyone can be faithful, or more innocently, not everyone is limited to channeling their passions into a single person, see polyamory.

    If she is dating others, and chooses to continue seeing you, take it and go. Don’t obsess or compare or extrapolate.

    Take it. And go.

  3. It’s ok that she mentioned that on date one. She’s being honest about that and I think that’s a good sign.

    If you want to see her again, just focus on you and her. If the connection is there you’ll both realize it and want to be exclusive (assuming she’s emotionally available and not poly or something).

    If you find yourself in a love triangle and there’s a real connection but she’s still on the apps, then it’s time for a conversation or to walk.

    Does she seem like the kind of person who is a player or addicted to attention? If not, you’re probably ok to proceed. Don’t stress about it. If things go well, those other dudes should disappear. If not, then plan your exit or back off.

  4. I’m not sure I see what the problem is…you just had your first date and you’re upset that she’s lined other dates up before she even met you? That’s a completely normal thing, and has been for decades, even during when my parents were dating. People cast wide nets, then narrow down to one when they find somebody they actually connect with.

  5. OP, good on you for recognizing that requiring a monogamous commitment from a woman after one date is shit-slinging insane. Also, good for you recognizing that she’s actually being totally mature and honest with you from the get-go.

    Sounds like she is interested in building a foundation of mutual respect, which (obviously) is great!

    Now, I totally get it, that doesn’t mean you’re not gonna be driven crazy by the thought that it might not work out.
    Just. Live. Your. Life. Continue hanging with your friends, continue doing shit you enjoy doing, continue dating and getting to know other women, if you like.

    If and when you get to a point you feel it’s important to you to be exclusive, tell her how you feel. Recognize that she may not be ready yet, and that that has to be ok.
    Hell, you may find you date a different woman and you’re the one telling this first woman that you need to put the brakes on spending time with her. Who knows?

    And of course, please, if you aren’t exclusive, use a condom. If and when you get to a point where you’re having sexual contact but are still both seeing other people, absolutely discuss protection. If it were me, I’d make it clear that my expectation is I can trust her to use a condom with other dudes, she can trust I’ll use one with other women, and actually follow through on this.

    Then, if and when you both want to become exclusive, both get tested for 100% peace of mind, and go nuts lol.

  6. I’ll say this as a guy. No way am I ever talking to just a single woman. Way too often it just flakes out or we aren’t compatible etc. So it ends up going No where. And that’s fine, it really is. I always try my best with all the women who I go out with, but I’m not going to talk just a single one at a time since 90% of the time it goes nowhere so I’d just end up wasting my time

  7. I go in with no intentions of being serious. I assume they’re seeing other guys too and I keep my options open as well. The fact she said that to your face though was kinda disrespectful though unless I asked I really don’t want to know that. I would drop her if I were you.

  8. I could never understand how people dated multiple girls or dudes at one time. Shit sounds exhausting, it’s hard enough getting one girl to like me enough to consider making a horrible mistake.

    But anyway, it’s not like you guys are exclusive yet. Just see where it goes and don’t put all your eggs in a basket with this one.

    Honestly though, idk why she even brought it up. she doesn’t have to lie about it but at the same time, why talk about it? That one sort of gives off a red flag vibe to me like she wants you guys to compete or make you sweat like you’re doing right now.

  9. I’ve noticed that men expect exclusivity without commitment, so it makes no sense for women to only go after one guy while he shows no signs of committing! We figured out how men play the game, and we’ve adjusted our dating strategies accordingly. Personally I don’t do exclusivity without commitment as that only benefits men – if you want to enter a serious relationship with me, then say so! If you just “want to be exclusive” but aren’t actually committing to a relationship then no, I’m not interested in that.

  10. Cardinal rule: there’s no such thing as a single woman. I had a woman once tell me she was single as we’re laying in bed together.
    If she says she’s single, that mean she’s dating two guys, hooking up with a third, and chatting with her ex because “she really misses their friendship.”
    I may sound cruel, but I want that shock value to hit you quickly. She’s playing the field…and there’s no reason why you shouldn’t do the same.

  11. Modern dating: getting to know someone before commiting

    Op: im jealous the girl I like is dating other people but I havent said anything about being exclusive nor have I even questioned whether I want to be exclusive with her

    Just say what you want if she wants the same great, if she doesn’t then you cant force her to not date other people

    Just be a person and communicate

    If you want to be exclusive and she doesn’t and has said that and you’re still waiting for her this is your issue

  12. The fuck is wrong with all of you? Women, and men, are allowed to date multiple people. Its not a big deal unless you two have made some sort of commitment. If you like her then see her again, but bring up that you would prefer something more serious with her. If she doesnt want that, move on.

  13. I’m a woman who dates multiple men. I have several dating apps and sometimes multiple men match with me the same day. I talk to them and get to know them. But then a few ask me on a date at the same time! I don’t know what to do! They all seem nice and I want to get to know them but I don’t have enough data to choose a boyfriend yet. Do I make one wait and say “first come, first served? He messaged 2 min before you”? But won’t that make the man who waits feel bad, like a backup plan?
    I just go on dates with both, get to know them, and decide who I want to date more. I don’t mention that I’m dating other men unless they ask because I don’t know the perfect solution that doesn’t hurt anyone. All I know is that I feel a potential connection and want to see if they are “the one”. You gotta spend time in person with someone to make that decision.
    I would say don’t feel too bad OP. Don’t give up cuz you don’t like “competing with other men”. She already chose you out of a massive pool of men. Just be yourself and if she doesn’t like you it’s no loss. Why would you date someone who doesn’t like you for you? She’s probably not keeping you as an “option”. She wants to get to know you as much as any other dude she’s dating in order to see if you click.
    You might loose out on a relationship because you didn’t want to “compete” and ducked out. I had a guy do that when I told him I already had a date that week. I mentioned I was uncomfortable dating multiple people but I wanted to give everyone a chance. He blocked me and ghosted. I wasn’t insulted but it did leave me with a certain impression of his character. Was he jealous? Lacking confidence? Plain rude?
    I’d prefer a confident man who believes in his own quality and who isn’t bothered by other suitors.

  14. “I really quite liked her and hope she picks me”

    Well then ask her to be exclusive/your girlfriend. I don’t it. What is there to be confused about. Either she likes you enough to be with just you, or she doesn’t.

  15. Female here-
    I personally won’t even go on a date with a guy if I’m “considering” someone else. I’m just not into potentially kissing a bunch of people lol and or wasting peoples time.

    But my last boyfriend still ajust straight up told me he wanted us to be basically only dating each other. I wasn’t dating anyone else but he just wanted to “lock it down” I guess.

    He wasn’t asking me to be his gf yet, but basically just to be with each other. I can’t speak for other girls but im glad he asked so neither of our time was wasted and or feelings hurt.

    I’d just ask the girl. Worst thing she can say is no. And if she says no, that’s probably not someone you want to date anyways

  16. You date other chicks and realize you can’t control someone else. If you’re the best match, she’ll invest in you instead of those chumps orbiting around here.

    You’re not a participant in the Bachelorette. From her POV: you’re not exclusive so she can do whatever she wants. If she’s still seeing other guys after dating you and bragging about it during a date, I’d probably drop her ass and move on.

  17. I don’t, I want a girl who would pick me without any other convincing or me having to consciously or otherwise “beat out” the competition.

    Modern dating is.. well it’s not for me on a lot of respects and that’s okay.

  18. Not my cup of tea.

    If someone were to do that with me, I’d probably lose interest since I’d feel like a jerk dating multiple people at once. Sort of been in this situation once and hated it. And I wouldn’t like competing over her with several other dudes if I’m giving her my full attention.

    If you’re cool with that, keep reminding yourself that you are cool with that. You don’t *have* to date her, you can always stop. Date around yourself (if you want of course) and see how she feels about it. If she gets mad, I’d advise to see someone else entirely.

    Otherwise consider just telling her and see how she responds to that.

  19. Everyone’s different, if i’m talking to a girl for more than a week I stop talking to anyone else. Other people (degenerates as I like to call them) just kindof keep fucking until the void speaks their name. I’ve got some leeway but if it gets to the point we have the talk and she’s just been throttling the town I’m on my way out.

  20. It’s annoying. Move on bc they will likely cheat on you later if you are committed. If you don’t respect the same things early, you aren’t going to negotiate it later. I’m realistic that unless we’ve been on a few dates or started fucking, she’s prob talking to other guys. But doing it in front of you or not respecting the time you’re spending is a red flag to me. It’s a balance bc a clinger who needs you 24/7 after hardly meeting is also a red flag

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

Back to top button