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Fellow men of brisbane. My 1st child is due in 2 months. My spawn will be a little baby girl……where the %%%% do I start?

Fellow men of brisbane. My 1st child is due in 2 months. My spawn will be a little baby girl……where the %%%% do I start?

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  1. Think about your life, childhood to end of high school. Remember all the things your parents did a really good job on, try to do those things. Then think about all the things your parents did wrong, and try not to repeat those, that’s a start.

  2. Start with lots of skin to skin cuddling. Also, new borns like to feel enclosed – cup her head and feet and speak soft and calmly.

    Swaddling is important as well. Make sure you are part of diaper changing. Don’t let your partner get too tired – get up for the night feedings and settling whenever you can.

    Note: current talking heads prefer sleep sacks to swaddling – like the halo sleep sack. NICU nurses do loose swaddles.

    Your partner is going to be exhausted – pick up the slack at home.

    Also, if she has a c section – for the love of god – get her a c section recovery band. Baby’s r us or other maternity stores should have them.

    Next, Get a good breast pump for your partner. Amazon (us) has Several good ones… you don’t need the super expensive one from the hospital. You want a closed system dual expressing one With back flow stops – and you want breast shields correctly sized to your partners breasts / nipples.

    We used maymom stuff, works well and is not so expensive.

    We used the spectra 1 baby pump. It was both ac and battery operated – portable pumping will free up her movement and quality of life greatly. Get a bottle warmer – doctor browns fits many bottle types.

    Speaking of breasts – your partners will be tender sore and raw at some point. You want to get her some breast feeding pads and ointments to help her little tender parts recover from the breast feeding and pumping.

    Get to know your second hand clothing stores for kids – they grow quickly. People probably will give you stuff as well.

    If you have a Costco near you, their diapers and formula are the best value around. Make sure you’ve got good cream for the bum as well – Walmart carries stuff at a good price. Costco wipes are great and scent / alcohol free for sensitive touches.

    A good change pad is essential. Lots of small blankets and spit cloths. Also, look at picking up those locking floor mats so the kid can roll around with you in the front room. Eventually you will want to get locking expandable gates to create a play area – in that first year it will save your partners sanity (ie, once the kid can roll and crawl it gets hard to go to the washroom etc).

    A good humidifier with a filter is essential to deal with any kiddy colds. Get a snot sucker while you are at it – I forget the brand, but the one you suck using a filtered tube is the best – rather than a baster style.

    Sleep wise, there’s nothing wrong with an ikea crib. If you get the one that converts to a toddler bed, you can use it for years.

    One last thing – it’s super important to have a car seat to bring her home from the hospital. A full travel system is convenient – like the Chicco bravo. It’s a baby carrier/bassinet, car seat and stroller all in one. Once she gets too big you will have to go get a proper car seat – I recommend one that can last a while.

    Car seats have a limited life on them. 5-10 years, defined by the manufacturer. Keep that in mind when purchasing it.

    Speaking of car seats, get a mirror for the car seat so you can see your kid without having to be back there.

    I almost forgot about bath time. Get a cheap plastic bath tub from Walmart.

  3. One thing about Dads: Your. Voice. Can. Be. Magic. (or when you lose your cool, whatever the opposite of magic is)

    Read to her. Like a lot. Every day. Sing to her. Nursery rhymes. Songs you grew up with. Sing her to sleep. Talk to her. When she is held by you she will not only hear your gentle loving voice but also feel it like a protective shield glowing all around her. Tell her about your life and what kind of world filled with dreams and opportunity that you want her to inherit.

    And do it. Quietly. Softly. Whisper. Stay calm and mindful. Let her know your laugh. Smile and laugh a lot. Let a tear or two fall. It’s perfectly normal. You are so big and she is so small and full of promise. She is the future. That voice of yours, no matter what you think of it, it can calm her cries and fears when none other can, and it can let her know instinctively who you are –> her father, protector and guardian forever. Let her feel safe just by hearing your gentle voice and seeing your friendly loving smile.

    And hey, when the time comes, remember: You know how to do this. You’ve got this Dad.

  4. 1. Don’t take it personally when they won’t sleep through the night.

    2. Get used to seeing grossness. As in poop. So much poop. Poop like you wouldn’t believe. It will get on stuff. It is inevitable.

    3. Your wife’s hormones are going to be strange for a while. Don’t pick fights with her. Nobody wins.

    4. Sleep will become a luxury. Cherish it.

    5. Don’t faint when your wife gets the epidural.

  5. Take infant cpr and first aid. I’m an ER nurse and many parents don’t know this and when it comes down to it you’ll never regret knowing this. Take it before delivery.

    Back to sleep. No fancy bumpers. No fancy bedding. No blankets. No stuffies . Back 👏🏾 to 👏🏾 sleep 👏🏾 !

  6. Honestly 90% of it is just showing up. Put in the time and you’ll figure out what she needs. Even if it’s stupid, walk around pointing at things and labeling them or narrating what you’re if you can’t figure out anything else to do with her. She’ll enjoy your voice and it’s good for their vocabulary anyway.

    Oh, and never wipe back to front on a girl.

  7. Im currently in the hospital, my 1st is due right now actually, it’s a baby girl. my lady was induced this morning and I’m just waiting and waiting and waiting. Browsing brisbane to pass the time trying not to be anxious.

  8. Dad of a 14 years old girl here, you are the man she will compre all others to, be the best and she won’t settle for anything less. Especially as it relates to how you treat her mother. You are going to be the example for what is acceptable in a relationship. Kids in general see and pick up more than you realize.

  9. Ok, dad of a 2yr old daughter so I feel I have some authority here.

    1. Baby books are a good reference but I guarantee you your kid will do shit that is not listed in the book. If she’s not crawling/walking/talking on the prescribed time line don’t freak out about it
    2. Lil kids get fevers all the ducking time. Fevers when they teeth, fevers when they have the sniffles. It sucks, and your gonna feel like shit giving her Tylenol cause it’s weird to put drugs into a baby.
    3. Your gonna need to dig out poop from their vagina. It’s hella awkward but must be done
    4. They learn by watching and listening and copying. Any annoying habits that you have that you don’t know about they will show you.
    5. Your wife(assumed) May go nuts over baby stuff. Your job is to remain calm.
    6. For the first year of their life toys are not super required. Build a busy board and save 1000 of dollars.
    7. She will test her boundaries consistently. Pick your battles. Sometimes it is ok for her to eat her breakfast while sitting on the coffee table if that also means you can put her shoes and coat on and get to daycare/work on time.

  10. A lot of men, myself included, have a difficult time in the very beginning feeling connected to your baby. It’s perfectly normal and it passes after a little while so don’t freak out if you feel a lack of connection.

  11. A couple things I haven’t seen here yet:

    -You and your partner will be relying on each other more. You will be exhausted and worn out and so will they. Embrace that, and make sure you’re always proving to them that you are just as invested as they are. It’ll either make you both insane or make you love each other that much more, depending on how well you handle it.

    -Remember this phrase: “She doesn’t know what she’s doing.” It’s fun to anthropomorphize babies and laugh when they are mischievous, but it can sometimes lead to bitterness when you’re so tired you can’t think straight. Just repeat that in your head when she kicks you, pulls hair, grabs your skin, scratches you, hits you in the nose, etc. “She doesn’t know what she’s doing.” After she starts having self-awareness and learning that her actions have consequences, switch it to “she’s learning, and I’m here to help.”

    -Don’t be worried if you’re not the 100% perfect parent. My wife and I did a lot of research, and we had all these rules and things we had to follow in the beginning. They’re all for a reason, but know when to reach a balance. Maybe you’re not supposed to fall asleep while holding your baby in a chair, yeah. But you need to be rested at least a little to take care of her during the day; don’t fall into a spiral of guilt (or shame from your partner) because you weren’t able to keep your eyes open or something else reasonably small. Talk with your partner if you feel like your parenting style is being judged, and work it out. You both are doing your best.

    -puppy pads. Put ’em on the changing area under the baby because she’s gonna fountain on you, pee or otherwise, and you’re gonna want an absorbent disposable between her and whatever surface you don’t want to clean later.

  12. I have a girl, now 9. So far its awesome. Here is my advice:

    Get used to bodily fluids. Snot, drule, pee, poop, puke. You will be cleaning a lot of it.

    Help with diaper changing and just be a part of her life. Take her out for strolls and when she gets older, spend time with her.

    Cuddles, lots and lots of cuddles.

    When the nights are dark and full of cries, and you get no sleep, try to remember: this too shall pass.

    Kids are great. Also horrible and disgusting. Congrats, man!

  13. Take care of your wife as much as possible while she recovers. If it’s at all possible, consider inviting a relatively to stay for a few weeks to care for her while you handle baby. Her body will have just took a major shock and lactation is the most taxing thing a body can do. For the sake of her long term health, give her as much stress free recoop time as possible. Like, her bones and fat reserves are literally getting sucked out of her tits.

    Don’t buy all the shit at once, pace out your purchases. A stroller won’t be useful for several more months. It’s pricey, bulky, and the whole industry exists to frighten you into buying expensive shit.

    A baby jail, and a convienietly waste high table with a cushion for diaper changing and a cushion are the first things. Then a car seat. A plain backpack or largish messenger bag are fine for supplies.

    If you want to save money on clothes, just get a few oversized dress type things, basically pillow cases with sleeves. Fuck cute outfits that the kid will wear for a couple weeks.

    Fuck baby shoes. They can have shoes when they can walk. Stick with nice warm socks/footie leggings. A cheap slipper works too.

  14. Learn the difference between a vulva and a vagina and bum so you can teach your daughter this early. As the parent to two daughters, it’s really handy when your kid can say my bum hurts vs my vulva hurts so you know what to check. Also be prepared to clean poo out of her vulva for about 6 months. And pro tip, if you can’t clean it in two swipes with a wipe just get her into the shower, it’s easier, more comfortable for her, and less likely you’ll give her a UTI. And if you don’t already have a shower with a long hose thing, get one.

  15. Happy wife, happy life. Do anything you can to help out, if your wife is breast feeding, she’s going to do a lot of heavy lifting at the start.

    Master the swaddle! I can’t suggest something more important than this. It sounds weird but wrapping the baby up tight keeps it warm and helps her sleep. A tight swaddle=a sleeping baby more often than not.

    Every two hours the babe will likely be feeding when/if they actually start. So when the misses starts feeding, maybe go get a top up of formula. They don’t get much breast milk at the start, the formula gives them whatever they don’t get from mom at the start.

    Change all the diapers you can. Especially in the start. This also includes an “outfit”, but at the beginning it’ll just be onesie sleepers.

    Naps are the greatest thing you can gift your significant other during the first phase. They’re gonna be tired (so will you) but a 2 hour power nap goes a long way. Let her lay down wherever and take the baby somewhere as far away in the house as possible during the nap.

    It’s scary, but it’s not that bad. I was in your boots 18 months ago, and I’ve learned so much. So much more than I ever thought I would know about raising a human being. And I’m still learning everyday.

    Good luck!

  16. I have a 10 year old boy, but a stellar dad. Tough guy, scary dude, don’t wanna piss him off kinda guy- big Scotsman ya know? No one loves him like I do because I know he’s a sweetheart. Here’s an opinion that won’t be common but I KNOW fostered the close relationship with my Dad from teen years to being 36= don’t give up your interests, just invite your girl along. My dad taught me to weld, I worked in his sheet metal shop, we drew together (he’s also a great artist), he brought me to work often. I work in the science industry now so technically that time with dad didn’t help my career but it exposed me to other things while creating great memories. So often I see parents doing “kid stuff” just so it’s interesting for the kid- which is good up until 4-5 I think- but then teach them other stuff. They might find it boring, they might not, but don’t revolve your life around them- just find a way to fit them into it. I spent my childhood at car shows cheering on my dad and rollerblading around the lot. I sometimes see dads sacrificing their entire selves to be a good “daughter dad” so I’m hoping this is a different perspective 🙂 good luck and enjoy!

  17. Just had my first daughter a week ago. Here’s what gave me tons of confidence:

    Look up the 5 S’s. They’re magic that turn off the crying like a switch if you know they’re fed and changed. 30 min DVD “happiest baby on the block”. Then ask the nurses to make sure your swaddle technique is good.

    Look up baby queues. They have ways of communicating when they are hungry, tired, overstimulated, are pooping, etc.

    These two things gave me tons of confidence to just love mama and baby well and enjoy it.

    Bonus: see if there are any assistive parenthood programs in your area. We get free coaching and mentoring up until 2 years old.

    It’s the best. You’ll do great.

  18. Be a good diaper changer. Ask the nurse in the hospital for help. My baby went through at least 10 diapers a day. It gets gross. Also do not jiggle her or swing her around too much after bottles. Babies spit up and throw up- I sometimes made it worse. When she cries, take off your shirt and hold her. Skin contact is calming.

  19. Let me just say I was overwhelmingly heartbroken my kid wasn’t a boy. All the thoughts of playing ball in the yard and teaching him how to be a man were there before I found out the sex.

    ​

    Looking back nine years later, she is the best thing that ever happened to me. I taught me how to be a better man and to see the other perspective with women. I wouldn’t change a thing at this point, we’ve grown up together and she’s the light of my life. Don’t even want/need another kid in my life.

  20. When the baby is born, everyone will pay attention to the baby. Your SO who just went through hell will be invisible (as will you). Focus your attention on the new Mom and let everyone else fuss over the newborn on her first day. A friend tipped me off to this, so I had a necklace ready to give my wife with our daughter’s birthstone. She really appreciated that I prioritized her.

    The first 6 weeks are hell. Forget about the “miracle of life” and instant bonding BS you hear. This fragile little demon creature will be a ball of blind helpless screaming needs that won’t let you sleep or think and will leave you feeling stressed, uncertain, inadequate, and terrified. But in the darkest part of that, keep in mind that this hell will be short. Somewhere around 6 weeks your little bundle of terror will open her eyes and see your face, and she will smile. Not just passing gas, but actual recognition and a genuine smile, at you. From that point it gets better. Really, really better.

    Do bathtime and bedtime. Hold her and let her fall asleep on your chest. If more men did this, there would be fewer wars.

    The moment she starts babbling, listen and agree with everything she says. You will be telling her “No” soon enough.

    As often as you can manage, be solo caretaker without Mom. Mom will appreciate having some alone time. You can say you’re doing her a favor, but really it’s for more for yourself. Take full advantage of every moment you can with your child. The slice of time when a kid will want to hang out with Daddy will be over in a blink, and there’s no do-over if you miss it.

    Baby proof every room. My daughter ignored her toys and was amazing at locating and acquiring any knife or fragile glass thing we inadvertently left within 5 feet of the floor.

    Never tell her that her successes are because she’s smart. Praise her for listening and trying and effort and perseverance. That way when she fails at something, she will not suddenly feel she’s not smart anymore, just that she has to keep working at it.

    Guard her dignity. Don’t embarrass her. Don’t tease her. Don’t ridicule her. Or she will stop sharing things with you.

    If you screw up, man up and fucking apologize. And then work hard at making things right.

    From day one as a parent, keep in mind that you’re playing the long game. Don’t think of parenting as raising a kid, but as raising a future adult. What kind of person do you hope she’ll be? Who do you hope she’ll end up with as her SO? Be that. Model those priorities and behaviors for her to have as her example. Because you will always be the first man she ever loved, and the yardstick by which she measures all other men.

    Congratulations and good luck!

  21. Funnily enough, most girls are daddy’s girls, and often seek out partners with the same qualities as their dad. This is a part of the reason why so many women end up in shitty relationships. What they experienced growing up was their “normal”.

    She will look to you to see how women should be treated, so set a good example. Set her up to succeed, by knowing what a good man is.

    Just because she’s a girl doesn’t mean she won’t like doing fun stuff with you. My daughter’s are hunters, they ride motorbikes, the eldest works as a part time model and a full time truck driver. So don’t “gender” her, she’ll be her own unique person, so expose her to many different experiences.

    And most importantly, give her your time. Time spent together is the single most important thing you can give a child. In 20 years time they won’t remember the crappy car, the budget holidays, etc, they’ll remember the time you had together, so don’t work yourself to death for material things thinking they will improve her life. Driving around in a new car is nothing compared to the memories of spending time with a dad who isn’t exhausted.

    You’ll be fine, you’ve got this.

  22. Dad of two here. Best advice is to relax. Be a calming influence on mum, she’s going to need a lot of help…. and she’ll feel as lost as you. Don’t worry ‘parenting’ will come. Try to enjoy your little girl as much as you can, the time is priceless and cannot be replaced. Oh and don’t beat yourself up when you screw up… you’ll laugh about it in years to come. God speed brother.

  23. Personally I think babies are super easy. Both our boys were good sleepers and extremely happy. Get a sleep sack and a bottle warmer, these are easy, cheap things that will greatly improve your experiences.

  24. My daughter is about to be 2. If there’s anything I’ve learned you have to be very patient, gentle, compassionate and of course very loving. You are raising a little woman. Be the best man you can be in every sense of the word and show her what a good man in this world is. You will be the blueprint for the type of people she attracts and you will be her first superhero.

  25. I have three children, a girl and two boys. They all had one thing in common when they were born; they were potatoes. So, you’re not having a little girl quite yet, you’re having a potato because newborns are potatoes. They eat, sleep, shit and cry, sometimes all at once. Keep her alive, always wipe from top to bottom, and by the time her little personality starts shining through, you’ll know what to do. Seriously, keep her alive one day, one feeding, and one diaper change at a time. That’s it. Everything else will come in time, I guarantee it.

  26. If you can, don’t let her get used to complete silence during naps. It is so much easier to have a kid that can sleep through medium noise(TV, washer, conversation) because that is then your time to do what you want. And if she let’s you, have family and friends handle her as often as everyone likes, to let her get used to other people. Not saying that having a strong bond with your daughter isn’t a good thing, but at some point you will need someone else watch the child and the less fuss she makes, the less stress for all, including her. And everything else you’ll figure out. No one has the perfect answer (except maybe the answer about first aid. That sounds very wise) and this is your kid to raise. Just treat her like you would be happy to be treated.

  27. COME TOGETHER AND AGREE ON HOW YOU WILL RAISE HERE/ WHAT KIND OF LANGUAGE YOU WILL USE IN THE HOUSE/ AND HOW WILL YOU SPEAK TO EACHOTHER IN FRONT OF THE CHILD!!

    This will save you from having many arguments about things that can be easily avoided before hand!

  28. Advice, she is your daughter- but sooner or later she will be a young woman. Don’t threaten boyfriends or pull the gun out on a date bullshit. You don’t own your daughters sexuality or your daughter. You teach them the right things to do, and pray they make the right choices. When they don’t, you don’t scream and yell- you talk and help them fix it.

    Fastest way to lose a daughter is to be overprotecting.

  29. You start by holding her. all swaddled up, or tiny little limbs wiggling about, doesn’t matter, just hold her against your chest, or lie down and let her sleep on your chest. It’s great for bonding, and you’ll miss those moments when she’s older.

  30. Be super careful about what soaps you use on her and in what concentrations. I accidentally added too much orange oil to a homemade soap that my wife made up and that ended up making her very uncomfortable. It broke my heart that I did that to her accidentally and she had no way of telling me what was wrong.

  31. It’s very important you read about nesting. I wish I’d understood that prior to my wife getting pregnant. It would’ve saved me a lot of trouble trying to figure out what the hell was going on.

    There’s a ton of books out there. But the book Strong Fathers, Strong Daughters by Dr. Meg Meeker gave me a lot of insight into girls and their relationships to their fathers. Highly recommend.

  32. I have a son but the hardest thing for me was how to comfort him when he was upset or how to get him to sleep at night. I’m pretty good at it now.

    Not sure if you are a gamer or not but minecraft music 10 hour variations are really soothing and he passes right out with it.

  33. Be involved as much as you can. Care. And take care of her mom. Not only does knowing that mommy and daddy love each other do amazing things for a kid’s security, you are also showing her how she should expect to be treated.

    And stay calm. Raising kids is incredibly stressful, even more so on the mom. Someone has to keep their cool no matter how exhausted you all are. Never express stress or frustration to a baby (“won’t you please just be quiet and sleep!!!”). The baby doesn’t get it, but she will understand that mommy and daddy, who are her whole world, are unhappy and agitated. That makes her unhappy and agitated, so she gets more fussy, makes you more fussy, etc. Be. Calm. You and mom can vent later, if you’re able to stay awake for that.

    Don’t take things personally. People say things they don’t mean when they’re tired, or stressed, or scared. Try not to do that yourself.

    Sing to her. Even if you’re as terrible a singer as I am, your voice is the second best way (after touch) to sooth a baby and let her know everything is alright. The words don’t matter, only the tone, but pick a few songs you don’t mind singing every night for five years. And singing a calm song will help you stay calm when you’re stressed.

    Edit: hit save early.

    I want to add that this will be amazing and transformative. I had two boys first. Love them both to death. I love my daughter in an equal but totally different way. You’ve probably had younger guys you’ve helped mentor before, so there’s a strong parallel to having sons (though obviously stronger). You’ve never felt anything remotely in the same league as having a daughter. It will change you, terrify you, amaze you, and make you see all kinds of things differently. If you let it, it will make you a better man and a better partner in ways nothing else can.

  34. I’m sure your local hospital has a class for new parents to let you know what to expect from delivery up until the first few months. My wife and I took them and they were a great help.

    As a husband and a new father it is critical to fulfill your role, which is 100% support. Forget yourself and dedicate everything to making sure your wife eats, showers, sleeps, and can still feel like a person every once in a while. Be very awarenof how you frame questions/suggestions. Example: “Let me change the sheets for you. Come sit in the rocker.

    You are going to be tired. But it is nothing compared to how she is feeling. Which is saying a lot (because you’re going to be really REALLY tired). Try to reset your mind frame while you do the dishes and bring her some water. Try to remember that your role is support, and that this is temporary.

    And don’t take anything personally if (and likely when) your wife’s venting is directed at you. She probably hasn’t slept for more than an hour at a time, hasn’t showered in days, and has to clean herself with a squirt bottle every time she goes to the bathroom.

    Oh, and congrats!

  35. One thing I wished I had known earlier, not everyone loves their baby right away. There was emotion and desire to care for the child but I didn’t really love my child until he was 6 months old or so. Maybe later.

    You learn on the go, once you figure out how one thing works, the baby will throw a new curve ball at you. My son is 2 now and he’s got his own set of emotions and I can’t just tell him what to do or make him do what I want him to do anymore because he doesn’t want to do that. He wants to eat cookies and watch cartoons.

  36. Be physically, emotionally, and mentally present with her. Pay attention to her.

    If you’re the breadwinner and her mother is a SAHM, you’re going to be spending most of her waking moments away, make the most of the ones where you’re not.

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