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Fellow men of Reddit, how have your standards changed as you’ve gotten older?

Fellow men of Reddit, how have your standards changed as you’ve gotten older?

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26 Comments

  1. They’ve increased. I look for more serious relationships than just hook ups or casual dating. In that sense, I’m looking for someone I can be with for years, even marriage rather than looking for a good time with no commitment.

  2. In expectations for life they’ve become much lower.

    I’m nearly 40 and all I want is to live out a reasonable life span in moderate comfort working a reasonable amount. I’ll grow some veg, raise some poultry, do some work and be with my family.

    Very different to when I was working in my 20s focussed only on the money.

  3. I’m not incredibly “old”, (I’m in my mid 20s), but my standards have only continued to go up.

    I was turned off by most of the women at my undergraduate college; I learned that I really value maturity and commitment above anything else. I’m a very introverted and quiet person, and it’s hard to find women my age who just want to have an old-school down-to-earth relationship.

    Looks wise, I’m not picky at all. I’m far more picky when it comes to personality and ambition.

  4. Yes. I don’t trust any hot young thing in sexy clothes taking an interest, and prefer the company of older women.

    Wasted time is more important now, so I have less of it to tolerate for BS.

  5. They realigned. They’ve become more realistic/lower, but less forgiving. They’re more narrowly focused. As I grew as a person and realized what was important to me and what didn’t really matter, so to did my standards for my life and the company I keep.

    For instance my standard for mutual respect is much more stringent (and I wouldn’t say I was exactly a pushover 10 years ago to begin with). It was more like I used to give people the benefit of the doubt more in that regard, try to meet them half way, earn their respect. Now it’s more like, I’m going to watch and see how you conduct yourself. If I respect you, but you don’t seem to respect me, I’ll go my way you go yours. If I don’t respect you, I don’t care if you’re trying to be buddy buddy with me or not, I have no time for you. So in that way, my bar for that expectation of mutual respect became more stringent.

    On the other hand, earning my respect is fairly straight forward. Are you a bullshitter or are you a straight shooter? Do you have your peoples backs or do you trash them to strangers when they aren’t in earshot? Do you show up on time and respect others time or do you show up late and think the world revolves around your schedule? I don’t have expectations I don’t hold myself to. I don’t expect people to have the same hobbies or same sense of humor or other insignificant expectations. They’re nice, but they aren’t what’s really important to me.

    My standards for what I want out of life went “down” in the sense I don’t expect nearly as much from life in general. As things that I realized weren’t important fell to the wayside, so did the expectations that were attached to them. You have certain expectations for a certain career path, but then you realize you don’t really care about that, it’s not important, and the expectations that were tied to that career, you realize they don’t matter anymore. So you let them go. And you keep letting stuff go until you find yourself with just the things you actually care about. You find that core of who you are.

    So the standard went down, but also became much more foundational and much less compromising. The standard moves less, and is less negotiable. It’s solidified into an actual standard instead of some nice-to-have wishlist.

  6. At some point, dating a woman just for her appearances gets old. You realize that if she’s only about appearances, life will be miserable as time goes by. Some people are okay with shallow relationships.

    I just worry that standards are getting too high these days. In the end, more people will end up being alone and miserable because building a solid foundation in a relationship is too much work.

  7. Yeah, I’d nearly never date a girl around 20. Too stupid. By that I mean many are lacking wisdom, don’t have much to their life just yet, and are generally obnoxious cause they don’t have the party out of them yet. I like a spark of intellect.

  8. 56 y/o now, when I was in my 20’s I was into cars so I owned a Porsche, I’m still into cars, but now I drive a Lexus LS. Sometimes I’ll be on the road and look at a nice SUV and think, “man theat would be good to take the family on vacation in.” Wouldn’t have done that in my 20’s-30’s.

  9. Attractiveness seems to be relative. Guys who work I’m sure have seen this. The most attractive girl at work gets treated like she’s an LA 10, even when she’s a 4.

    I think a similar thing occurs when you age. You’re no longer around as many people, so you grade on that curve.

    In my teens and early 20’s, my standard was well above the league I was considered to be in. I was charismatic and did well for myself. However, I’m simply not around a bunch of 20yr old girls anymore, so I go after the best of what I’m around now, which is less attractive overall.

  10. My standards for everything went higher. My expectation of respect. My expectation of quality of goods. My expectation that my time isn’t wasted. The standards I’ve set for my self in how I spend my time – not that I wanted those to be better, but that I had to make a change to improve quality of life.

    As a person who had extremely high standards of my SO other to begin with, I’ve learned to actually decrease my standards of expectation here.

  11. far pickier. not banging every woman who came my way anymore. going a week or two without sex at 21 was like torture but nowadays id much rather wait for the perfect person, waiting it out sounds quite nice honestly

  12. They… *changed*, for sure. Went down in some aspects and up in others. Hard to summarize.

    But overall, I generally find myself caring way less about how smart or mature a woman seems, and conversely being way more cautious about dark triad traits.

  13. My standards and expectations for just about everything in life have decreased as I’ve got older. In terms of my career, my goal is now to not run out of money before I die. In terms of my personal life, my goal is to find someone who is willing to do a reasonably convincing job of pretending to care about me in exchange for whatever I can offer them, even if we both know it’s a lie. And with respect to my health, I hope to not die in a way that creates a lot of hassle for other people, and to not be that great a burden on the medical system.

    When it comes to women though, over the years I’ve come to feel a lot more strongly about the importance of exclusivity and am strongly opposed to being in any form of open relationship as opposed to when I was younger and more accepting of the idea.

    I think as I get older still, I’ll need to be more comfortable with the idea of dating divorcees and women with kids from prior relationships.

  14. I have much less tolerance for bullshit behavior from the optional people in my life. With time, you see enough people come and go from your life to realize the most people are of no consequence to you and that you are of no consequence to them. If I don’t enjoy someone’s company, I quietly cut them out of my life. Someone else will be along shortly to replace them.

  15. I have become more picky. When I was younger, I felt like I needed to be with someone to “complete me” so I would get and stay with someone even when I wasn’t happy. Now, I just don’t feel like wasting my time.

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