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Do you secretly want to %%%% other girls when in a relationship, or are you strictly focused on your SO?

My bf told me that he has some kind of an urge to do that when he see a hot chick. And I can’t deal with this thought even if he said I am the best he’s ever had and won’t cheat on me.

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29 Comments

  1. Once I have that love feeling with someone then no ordinary sexual urge is enough to get me out. It basically turns to “yeah she looks okay, but I love you so much I couldn’t be with anyone else.”

  2. Every guy is attracted to different woman. Expecting him to only be attracted to you is unrealistic and shows you have insecurity issues, honestly. You can have the thoughts, but acting on them is when it becomes a problem.

  3. i understand it might be disappointing, but just because you fall in love with someone doesn’t suddenly make everyone else unattractive.

    as long as he/you doesn’t act on it, it’s not an issue.

    however, if my SO says she has an URGE to have sex with someone else? ..that’s a problem.

    that’s beyond just finding someone attractive.

  4. Define “want to”. If by “want to” you mean in a purely theoretical sense where’s there’s no consequences then hell yeah, I’d want to bang other hot chicks. If “want to” means I’d actually want to do it in the real world with all of the consequences involved with that then nah

    Or to put that another way, are other women still sexually attractive? Yes. But am i trying to have sex with them? No.

  5. I think urge is a strong word. I have the urge to flirt with other women. I have the urge to see where I currently stand with women outside my relationship. But the urge to have sex with them? No.

    But I wouldn’t judge anybody who does because that’s just one or two steps beyond what my urges are. Some guy out there may only have the urge to look at another woman and may see my urges as sleazy, so I don’t think it’s my place to judge other people. I judge my girlfriend for her actions and she can judge me for mine. Same way with you and your bf. Everything else is irrelevant.

  6. I certainly admire other women, but desire for them isn’t something I ever really feel, I’m just happy with what I’ve got. Like “damn, if I wasn’t married I would totally sleep with her ugh kind of annoying that I can’t” is not a thought that ever really occurs to me. But for sure, I still appreciate and enjoy feminine beauty.

  7. While I don’t know if I’d categorize it as an “urge” — that implies it’s something I have to act on — yes, if I see someone attractive, I will sometimes have sexual fantasies about them.

    I’ve been with my wife for nearly 17 years and I’ve literally never once even been tempted to step out on her, and occasional brief fantasizing about others is no reflection on her.

  8. When I was in love I never had the urge to sleep with another girl it actually made me feel nauseous thinking about it.

    Not in love in a relationship though? It happens but have some morals, like everyone else is saying don’t act on it.

  9. I think it was wrong of him to say that. But yeah, when you are in a relationship, being sexually interested in other women, or fantasizing about it, does not stop. This is has nothing to do with actually doing it, or even contemplating doing it.

    Judge his actions.

  10. Think of it like porn… it’s just sexual attraction. Jerking off, wanking off, getting off, whatever you want to call it. Sex is easy. You can have sex with anyone, it is like a physical reaction. When he’s looking at other girls, it is about the physical sex and not the emotional connection which at its core is what really makes up the soul of a relationship. You have that emotional connection, that lottery belongs to you so what if a few coins or chump change fall out every now and then. IMO emotional cheating is worse than cheating physically. Once that happens, the thing that makes your relationship special is no longer there, and what’s stopping them from pursuing that other person now that they not only can have sex and get their physical needs and desires fulfilled, but their emotional needs can be met as well? That’s when things start truly deteriorating. If you’re having trouble thinking about it… just flip it around. Aren’t there any dudes who you find hot? Boom, there ya go. While your level of sexual interest may not be on par with your bf, you can see how you are still able to find other men smoking hot! And it’s totally ok bc you have absolutely no interest and trying to go chat them up.

  11. My reptile brain (or my dick) would want to fuck just about everything that crosses my path.
    It would also want to drink until unconscious, eat until I destroyed my body, and abandon all responsibilities with no regard for the future.

    Fortunately, my reptile brain has very little influence on what my thinking mind decides. I’ve never cheated on my wife nor ever will. I’m not an alcoholic, I eat properly and go to the gym, I uphold my responsibilities, I build my future.

    I would interpret your bf’s words as a display of sincerity. He told you the truth without thinking how you would react. That isn’t just the best path, it’s the only one.

    You should be happy that he just told you: “I am self conscious enough to see what my primitive mind tells me, and I also trust you enough to share those deep, maybe even “shameful” thoughts, with you.

  12. It’s normal to be attracted to people you find attractive. As long as those urges aren’t *acted* on, there’s no harm done. You might even find that you get those feelings towards other guys sometimes. Don’t worry about it unless he starts acting on it.

  13. Not secretly . I tell my wife who i like and would like to fuck.
    Honesty is the best policy!
    But you are the one he makes love to and he chooses to come home to tou and not the others.

  14. So then whats your view on porn? Would be the same thing…yes i get it from you but hell you not available 24/7 when i need it or you say no but i want some relieve so I move to porn….or i can sit there with out porn and think of anyone (an ex, a friend i wish i did…etc etc.)

  15. If things are casual I do have those sort of thoughts about other women but as soon as there’s that certain level of love and intimacy I have no desire to do anything with anyone else sexually speaking. At that point I may still find some women attractive but I won’t cross that line. I won’t cheat and I don’t think about doing it.

  16. Ummm idk. I guess for some it would be okay, if he just fantasizes but never actually acts on it. But in my relationship, my boyfriend doesn’t even look at another female. Like I’ve literally pointed out girls that I thought were pretty, and he won’t look. Even if I say it’s okay. So idk. Maybe it just depends. But if my boyfriend told me he had thought of actually fucking other girls and not just “oh she’s cute what do you think?” Or something like that, he wouldn’t be the one for me, honestly.

  17. I had 2 different girls on the go while I was with my long term partner
    Both were little 5foot2 pocket rockets
    Fast forward
    Not fucking any of them now and had a dry spell for a short while

    TLDR
    It’s not worth it

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