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Do you ever feel that you’ve been alone for so long that being in a relationship would be more annoying than helpful, that you wouldn’t even know how to act?

Do you ever feel that you’ve been alone for so long that being in a relationship would be more annoying than helpful, that you wouldn’t even know how to act?

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48 Comments

  1. Yeah, I don’t think it would be more annoying than helpful, but I just don’t think about it at all and as a person who have never been in a relationship, yeah I don’t know how to act if I ever get one

  2. I’ve been single for 5 years now and the concept of dating/relationships just seems completely alien to me. It feels like a thing that other people do that doesn’t really concern me.

    My friends convinced me to download a dating app at the weekend and I lasted one day before deleting it again. Talking to people just felt like a complete chore and I had no enthusiasm for it at all.

    I do get lonely and miss intimacy, but I’m also very picky and am rarely attracted to anyone enough to want to date them. The chances of meeting someone I really like, that likes me back and am compatible with just seems so miniscule it doesn’t seem worth the effort.

  3. Yes. At this point it would almost be mean to get into a relationship because I don’t think I’d be the easiest person to live with. Also I don’t even like myself so why would I subject others to interacting with me more than they already have to.

  4. haven’t been in a real relationship for years, found this one girl a few weeks back that I’ve fallen head over heels for. I still don’t know how to act in a relationship, but I think I’m doing something right

  5. I actually experienced this first hand. I found it sort of annoying, this now extra responsibility to respond, another person who I have to make sure I don’t accidentally offend by taking too long to text back. Sure, it was nice to not fall asleep alone, but it’s easier being alone

  6. Yes I’m afraid that my SO will be super annoyed by my small talk, sudden urge to be left alone and being annoyed at the malls. I keep thinking that either she or I will be a different person after the relationship

  7. I’ve been single for over 4years now and I enjoy it. I only worry about me unless my adult children need something or want to spend time with me. Anymore I’m just selfish and that’s not good for relationship.

  8. It’s something I fear. At age 36 and never having had a relationship, I feel like it’s too late to learn how to be in one. Any woman I’d meet would have plenty of experience so I feel like it would be very off-balance. I don’t even know if anyone would want to put up with that.

    I don’t think it would be “more annoying than helpful”. It’s still the thing I want more than anything else. But realistically I also know that it’s not gonna happen anymore.

  9. Didnt have a relationship for years. Lived by myself, had a fulltime job. I never thought i could share that whole routine of my own life with someone. But when i met my now husband it just clicked.
    Its now two years later, we got married, bought a house and have to kittens and I really cant imagine my life without him.
    Going to work… Having to do the groceries and cook dinner, all by myself. Then having to clean it all up and doing the other household chores without even a buddy to talk to or to do it together with while having fun… And then going to sleep to be doing the same thing the next day.
    I didnt know it back then, but i was living a pretty lonely life.

    But yes, i was scared shitless when i started dating him lol.

  10. I don’t really think I’d be emotionally mature for a relationship nowadays, it would mean a lot of catching up and a lot of mistakes. Like, I’m not oblivious to peoples feelings and I’m sure there are many men in happy relationships who find it equally difficult to express themselves, but with the lack of experience in certain situations it would be a lot of work. I don’t see the cost-benefit analysis playing out favourably.

    I even think about what clothes I wear. I wear comfortable shit now and don’t make the effort to put on a shirt to go out in. Even going on a date and having to find some smart clothes would be anxiety ridden.

    Not saying I don’t fantasise about being in a relationship though. I always wonder what it would be like.

  11. Damn, stop reading my mind dude!

    Some people go from one relationship to the next, never being single and only being happy when they’re with someone.

    I’m the opposite. Life is good and simple when I’m alone and difficult/complicated when I’m with someone.

    I do get lonely though.

  12. No, not at all. I’m a little scared that I would fuck it up, just because I’ve never been in a relationship before (I’m 31), but I definitely feel a relationship would be *way* more helpful than annoying. Not knowing how to act is just sort of the human condition in a way. You figure it out in time.

  13. Was in a relationship for 12 years, been out of it for 3 years now (amicable, still friends), but that’s it for me, I’ve done it, had the experience, I don’t see another relationship on the horizon for me and thats okay

  14. I’m 44 and never been in a relationship of any kind (friends, FWB, or girlfriend )with a woman. Honestly getting into one does scare me in that I have no idea what to do or what it takes. And because it’d be to much work women just ignore me. (Trust me, they can tell what a pathetic loser I am). Yet at the same time, I’d like to try it once, if not for the sex for the first time, or my first kiss. Sigh just a year left…

  15. Yes and it is real. I was alone for 4 years and when I met my girlfriend, I felt more than ready even if I loved being single. After a while I started to get fights and needing to compromise but I loved her so much. And now it’s been almost two years of loving her but being unhappy. Couldn’t be left alone, needed to invest all my time on her projects and be someone for her. The truth is she wasn’t the one for me probably, but now I broke up and … I’m devastated but.. life will be more peaceful.

  16. I do. I feel like I am not made for being in a relationship. I find meeting someone, then hanging out with them, etc., to be tedious and boring. It’s inconvenient for my lifestyle, which is really working, then cooling off by playing games/watching stuff. I don’t want to do anything else. I don’t find joy in “getting to know someone”.

    But hey, I am keeping my cards open. If I find someone cool and she is into me, too, I might put an effort into making it work.

  17. Something that bothers me a lot with dating from the perspective of a man. Wanting to be single and/or accepting that lifestyle is met with ridicule by even some of the most progressive thinking people. The whole “40 year old virgin” or “can’t get laid” jokes come out. I’ve had multiple relationships in the past and nothing ever excited me about them. When it’s a woman the go to from progressive people is “She’s proud and independent.”

    Why? Why is it wrong for a man to want to be independent? Why do people try so hard to insist that for a man to be worth anything he needs to be getting laid?

  18. Feel it? It happens to me lmao. It’s like I can’t even function right in one and when one is added to my life the whole balance is wack and then they act some type of way while I struggle to discover a new balance but by then they start changing and doing stuff like demanding I change this or that or stop riding my motorcycle or something which doesn’t fly with me. I can pull a suitcase while riding my motorcycle because it’s got a handle and wheels.

  19. I’m 55 and finally realized that I never wanted a relationship, I just wanted sex. All that face-time being together is just too much. As the “boys” downstairs slowed down, I don’t feel that pull as much anymore. It’s incredibly freeing, it’s like kicking a heroin addiction.

  20. I was single for over 2 years before meeting my current gf. I will say it has been quite difficult having to divide my time between my own life and her.

    It makes me depressed and upset sometimes when all o want to do is come home from work and zone out on my pc but I’m obligated to do other things. Sometimes it doesn’t feel like I have my own life anymore.

    Honestly stay single.

  21. in a way I think I feel the same. I really want to be in one but whenever I start talking to a girl I just start getting thoughts of what is the point even and then ghost them. I have been in relationships before but they just never really worked out for me. and I think for the most part what’s driving me to want a relationship is family pressure more than anything.

  22. Yes, I’ve dated girls over the past little while but it never really feels like a relationship. The last one we chatted due to being lonely from covid restrictions but once we started to hangout I didn’t want a relationship. We still talk but im not very engaged.

    I have my work and sceduel and shes like a time thief, if I talk to her too much I’ll muss out on other plans or projects.

  23. I (M50+) have been through two marriages, two divorces, and I have two kids. I was in relationships for the majority of my life up until my early 40s. Since then I have enjoyed being alone immensely – I wouldn’t trade it for anything. There was a brief three-year period (45-48) where I tried out OLD to see if I wanted to “get back in the saddle”. I dated dozens of women and felt no desire to be in a relationship. At this point, I prefer my solitude over dating, FWB, cohabitating, or anything more serious.

    That’s just me. YMMV

  24. I thought so when I was 19 and stayed single until 22, which was weird compared to my peers. Then I met a woman for whom I feel and had a 8 years relationship, thought we were gonna be together 4evahh and stuff, until she cheated and dumped me. Since then I downloaded dating apps but honestly keeping a convo going it’s more a hassle than a pleasure, and I honestly don’t want to date, so I’ll probably delete them or keep them for casual sex should I ever feel the urge.

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