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At what point is it inappropriate to be talking to multiple people from a dating site?

I’m wondering what you guys think about this. I assume most dudes dating online have the same strategy, where you just have to put yourself out there as much as you can and see who responds, though if I’m wrong about that I’m happy to be corrected.

But assuming you get responses, at what point does it become inappropriate to be talking to multiple people? I was never super successful with women when I was a teenager, and in my 20s I didn’t date much, but now that I’ve been dating more in the last two years, I’m actually getting responses from multiple women at the same time, which is a pretty new experience for me.

What do you do when you’re talking to two women, and genuinely like both of them, and they both seem to like you? What’s the point that you stop talking to other people; when you get off the app and exchange numbers? After you meet? After X number of dates?

I don’t want to be disrespectful or dishonest towards anyone, and I was just wondering if anyone could offer some guidance on the subject.

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19 Comments

  1. Unless you have a conversation in which you both agree you won’t talk to other people…you can absolutely talk to other people.

    Those two girls you’re talking to are almost certainly talking to other dudes…and considering the ratio of girls to guys on most dating sites…they’re probably talking to several.

    Unless they tell you that they’re only gonna talk to you…assume they’re talking to guys besides you, and feel free to talk to women besides them.

  2. For me personally, once I’ve been on one date with someone and am trying to go on a second, I don’t talk to other matches until the first one plays out. I realize this is a bit more strict of a standard than most people use, but I hold myself to it.

  3. In my view it’s fine to talk with multiple people, but once you commit to a date, you commit exclusively to that date to give it a chance without the half foot out the door by default.

    After the date you can make the decision “Okay, do I want to continue, or do I want to pursue other options”

    I don’t like the idea that you should be able to date multiple people all the time until it’s explicitly said that you’re exclusive, I feel like you should treat each person with exclusivity as a default so you’re not stuck in the mindset of “Oh if a single thing goes wrong, I can jump ship to another person”.

  4. Just talking, I’d say there’s no inappropriate cap.

    Basically, the point where I feel like you should stop talking to other people is when you either agree explicitly to be exclusive with other people or you don’t explicitly say it but you just ‘know’ that you’re effectively ‘dating’ one women rather than just two people who might be going on dates together. There’s definitely some grey area there but if you start to feel like that, just have the conversation.

    There’s nothing wrong with talking to multiple people at the same time and even going on dates with multiple people at the same time.

  5. When you decide that you want to keep one… Test drives should only be done while you still dont know what you want. You should also be open and honest and not try to hide what you are doing… But don’t confess it unless it comes up because that reeks of manipulation. The whole “put a ring on it” argument goes both ways. If she has no claim she has no claim… But you should still be honest. Honesty is what separates the players from the guys that know their worth.

  6. I would talk to other people up until I go on maybe two dates with one person, and then I’d have a good idea of if I want to continue seeing them (and get an impression of whether they feel the same).

    I have never been in a position where I’ve lined two app dates up, with different people, within a short amount of time, but I almost did a short while ago. My plan was to just go to both dates and decide who I felt I had a better connection with. I most probably would have been honest with whoever I felt more compatible with.

  7. I’d worry less about this and more about making sure I know who I’m dating before making a commitment. Assuming you’re looking for something long term, I’d advise you to be honest but not pressure yourself to focus on one potential(!) partner by some arbitrary date. Also, like the other commenters said, your dates will have way more options than you.

  8. For me it is if you decided to have a second date.

    logic being, you checked each other out, like what you saw and decided to invest in getting to know someone better with a view to forming a relationship.

    I don’t believe its ok to go past that point with multiple people.

    I’m ok with others thinking that’s ok, as long as they communicate that intention, and I would opt out of that then and there, and wish them all the best.

  9. That’s totally up to you. Together with a question of sucking how many cocks at once is too many. Is it one, is it three?
    I usually stop all other comms after a successful date or two. I am as monogamous as modern people get. I expect same from my partner.

  10. Then don’t be disrespectful or dishonest about it. Be a man and stand behind what you do. And be honest about it. If that means telling them that you’re also having intimate conversations with other women, so be it.

    Because, let’s face it. You’re most likely not the only guy they’re seeing/speaking/dating romantically either. So she’s either going to act like a grown up or be immature about it.

    And you don’t have to say it with so many words. You can say something along the lines of exploring opportunities when exclusivity has not yet been established

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