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Around what age/when can I expect to find more mature men rather than boys?

It’s hard being in college as someone who isn’t into the hookup culture. The majority of boys are only into numbers and random hookups without any commitment. I just personally don’t find it as appealing as meaningful relationships. When do boys start to mature into the mentality that random hookups aren’t as fulfilling as being in a loving relationship? (Female here)

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48 Comments

  1. It depends on the guy and what you mean exactly by maturity. Long term relationships don’t necessarily mean the people in them are mature. That being said, I’m assuming you’re on the younger side. I’d say that you’re at a time where exploration and desire are intertwining really hard. Hard for a lot of guys to think on the long-term when they’ve never had anything of the sort. If I had to ballpark it for you, around 26-28 is the age a lot of guys I’ve seen start to want to build something with someone.

  2. From a guy in his 30’s around early 30’s guys want to settle down. All my buddies that went to college and married their college girlfriends are all divorced. Sure there is exceptions but most of the time it just doesn’t work out. Focus on ur schooling and getting your life on track. If you want to have some fun and date guys along the way go for it but don’t expect anything to last forever.

  3. It all depends on who you hang with.

    If you’re going to frat parties? Or going to college bars? Or even going to house parties? You’re gonna find find guys that want to have a good time in college.

    If you’re meeting people in hobby groups, randomly in a class or religious groups. Your odds of meeting a person wanting to settle
    is higher.

    So yea there are plenty of people willing to settle down in college but you probably aren’t meeting them within your group.

  4. > The majority of boys are only into numbers and random hookups without any commitment.

    My guess is that this is completely inaccurate and that you’re simply looking in the wrong place for men.

  5. 23 y/o woman and college student here.

    I think around that age, a good amount of guys don’t really want to settle down. Obviously, there are some, but I don’t know much who do. It’s also important to realize that this doesn’t mean they lack emotional intelligence. Sure, some do lack it, but not specifically because of not wanting to settle down.

    Emotional intelligence is the ability to perceive emotions; to access and generate emotions so as to assist thought; to understand emotions and emotional knowledge; and to reflectively regulate emotions so as to promote emotional and intellectual growth.

    Although what your ex did sucks, it doesn’t define his emotional intelligence, or shows that he *lacks* it. It’s actually great that he acknowledged that he wasn’t prepared for long term commitment and decided to leave, instead of continuing to stay in the relationship and possibly doing something hurtful, or not giving you his all. This actually shows some amount of *emotional intelligence*.

    I would just continue to focus on school, and if the right guy comes along, you’ll know. Best of luck to you, babe!

  6. There are mature guys in college that fit your criteria, but it sounds like you’re meeting the wrong guys. You’ll need to figure out a way to better vet these lads and eliminate the douchy ones.

  7. When I was in college, I used to hear this refrain all the time from women who were fishing specifically for men who were in demand or a part of the party lifestyle.

    Unless you were at a small college that was all about frat parties and sports somehow, I would imagine at least a third of the issue is the guys you and your friends are choosing.

  8. In my country the timeline for people is a little different than the U.S.

    Its school > army (almost 3 years for men and 2 for women) > trip / work a little > university.

    I think that maybe the army makes us a little more mature as me and most my friends would prefer someone long term rather than hook ups.

    Every hook up I had wasn’t because I was looking for one but just because things happened.

  9. There are mature people at every age. And, this is very important, there are immature people at every age. Most of my friends in college were in relationships. It seems like you’re interacting with the wrong social circles.

    I was in STEM, specifically chemistry, if that helps. Although there were people in my classes who were not my friends who were more into hookup culture. So it’s probably not a surefire method to go after chemistry students.

    The difficulty in finding people who are interested in a real relationship is that they are in limited supply and they are likely to be in a relationship.

  10. I’ve never been into quick hook ups with no commitment. I can imagine it’d be fun tho!

    I guess it really depends on the guy. Most of us will never mature in certain aspects, but when it comes to relationships, we mature when she’s the right one or when were ready to settle down. Age I guess always varies.

  11. You just have to find the right guy. Some guys are very loyal and would love to be committed. The problem is a lot of the time YOU probably don’t pick the right guy then eventually it wont work out cuz hes not good enough in some or many ways.

  12. I don’t think there’s an age Tbh it differs from person to person. I’m 24 never been into casual hook ups, but there’s guys well into their 30s who are still into them. I think it largely depends on the mans maturity and level of selfishness. Hook ups are inherently selfish short sighted acts “my needs need to be met now.” I just don’t like the idea of using someone like that, to me it feels like treating someone like an object.

  13. When the freedoms from moving out and being on their own become normal. For some that’s 18, most probably closer to 25, for some people it never happens. That said, college, there’s going to be plenty of mature guys around, but a lot are probably not actively looking because they’re sick of the hookup culture too.

  14. It’s more about life stage than age. I would say “when it’s clear that he is willing to make sacrifices today to benefit tomorrow”. That’s a pretty big sign of overall maturity.

    Emotional intelligence is something completely different however and I’m not sure there’s any age or life stage that will have this consistently

  15. I dunno, I know a few women who are around 50-60 who still act like teenagers. The 30’s is the average for guys to even out, but there are loads of guys in their mid twenties that do. It really depends on where you are and the kind of people you are around.

  16. It’s not an age thing. I’ve went to army and a bunch of 40-50 yo officers communicate using nothing more than dick jokes. So you’ll have to look in a different place, rather than different age.

  17. Speaking only for myself, about 25+ years old. Then again, as age 29, I can sometimes be immature (band geek still; and we will always have a tinge of immaturity in us even to old age).

    However, I made the shift about age 25 that I was looking specifically for a *relationship*, not a hookup. The eventual goal for me is marriage, or at least long years of said theoretical person being together with me for a while.

  18. Look as a guy I will be honest. You arent meeting the guys you want because you are going for the wrong guys. You are telling me you are some special woman who wants something real and not a single guy your age or at college wants that too?

    You think every guy in their 20s just wants to sleep around and at some later age they get over it and just want to settle down? I am 25, in college I just wanted a girlfriend. Every woman I went on dates with was for me to get to know them and build something from it. Not a single one wanted me, they used me for attention and made me their back up guy.

    I was seeing a woman last year for four months who talked about sleeping with me, told me she had a dream about me but was not ready for sex. We even spent the night together once but she was still not ready for it. Four months and we never had sex or even a relationship.

    I have only been on dates and made out with a few women in my life, thats it. If you think there is some point in a guys life where they all decide they want to settle down then I have a bridge to sell you. At what age do women stop using guys for attention and keeping them as back up options that cant talk to other women but they can date any guy they want?

    Pretty sure there are guys at 20 who are ready to settle down and guys at 45 who just want to sleep around. You need to really open your eyes and try to get to know any guy not just the guys you want. The women Ive seen who are with men who want commitment definitely dont have trouble meeting those kinds of guys. They arent looking for a celebrity model that has a perfect personality, they look for a real, genuine guy.

    Im not saying thats me or that I know everything, clearly I have done horribly in my dating life, but you are the one who keeps running into the same kind of guys. Maybe you need to stop going for them and meet other guys.

  19. 40’s.

    Of course any short answer is going to be a generalization. But very broadly speaking, it isn’t 20’s. Some would say 30. But 30’s are really just an extension of 20’s except with more money, toys and resources.

    You don’t really start to get some useful perspective from life’s twists and turns until you hit about 40.

  20. Well, I’m be honest, you’d probably want to look into Christian guys. I don’t know if you’re a Christian, but Christians are more likely to think like you. I’m a 19 year old male, and my Christian beliefs are that sex is meant for marriage. You could always try online dating if you look at the right site. Certain sites are more geared towards long term relationships.

  21. I’d personally say around the early twenties. But some guys even mature before then while others may not until their mid-late twenties or even thirties. Early twenties may be the best bet.

  22. Theres no given age, its diffrent for every guy. Some are like tht, want relanship) in high school, others after college, others never (stay player whole life) keep looking youl find one, rember every boy will try do and say anything to get into your pants, you should have a 3 month intill sex rule to weed out the real from the fake. Haha laughing at all the furture guys i gave blue balls too. But dont just give out your pussy to everyone (youl get an std) or they will start calling you a slut, save it for someone who really deserves it lol, if it were me ide say give it to me now

  23. First, you’re just wrong. Plenty of men are interested in long term relationships, some might already be in them, but many are still available. That is the truth. Waiting for men to “grow up” is gonna be a long wait.

    Now, as to your problem. “Nice” guys like the one you are looking for are much less obvious. They want real relationships, they aren’t hitting on you randomly at parties. They are probably looking for mutual interest on your part before making any real moves. Frankly, they might befriend you platonically to get to know whether you are relationship material, before even considering dating you.

    Spoiler alert: Men looking for long term relationships don’t get as much practice at the early dating game.

    You could maybe try being an active participant in your dating life. If you’re just waiting for boys to show up, they will probably be the ones playing the numbers game. Also I know nothing about you, but sometimes guys aren’t afraid of commitment, they just don’t want to commit to that one girl who cares way too much about it.

  24. Guys stop maturing at 14. Some guys are actually very mature at that age. The rest will be overgrown kids for life. You’re unfortunately waiting for leopards to change their spots….they won’t. What has to change is your tastes in men. The mature ones are flying under your radar because they’re busy studying and working and working out and doing productive, non-social shit.

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