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Am I crazy for not liking my boyfriend to constantly jack off to other women when we rarely have ohhh

Am I crazy for not liking my boyfriend to constantly jack off to other women when we rarely have ohhh

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34 Comments

  1. Not crazy. As someone who used to constantly watch porn, it would kill any desire I would’ve otherwise had to have actual sex. It got to the point where real women and “realistic scenarios” weren’t doing it for me anymore and I’ve had some unfortunate occasions where I wasn’t able to get hard for whoever I was hooking up with at the time.

  2. If you’re interested in sex, you’re making sexual advances, and he prefers porn, that would be an addiction. If a human female—your partner— wants to have sex with you, but you would rather masturbate and watch porn, you should get help. Legitimate help, one of my friends did. I’m sorry you’re going through this, but I would address this ASAP.

  3. Definitely not crazy, and he probably has a porn problem but wanted to throw in an alternative view that was something that has affected me in the past.

    I’ve always had a healthy sex drive and in previous relationships it was pretty common to have sex a few times a day and still be up for more, but in my last relationship I started to avoid sex. I still had a high libido but just didn’t want to have sex with my partner. I slowly started to realise that I was avoiding it because it wasn’t the type of sex I wanted. My partner had become very vanilla and I loved anything kinky,.I also lasted a lot longer than her so it usually ended up with me being left frustrated so I’d prefer to just masturbate. We did discuss how we could spice things up but we never found a solution that worked for us unfortunately.

    If that’s happening then it’s not your fault, but it might be worth asking him what he’s in to in bed. You don’t have to jump in at the deep end with all his fantasies but exploring a few things might relight the spark.

  4. Gotta talk to him about it and ask why he prefers to crank his hog and not sleep with you. Communication is key here, maybe he’s acting on fantasies/fetishes that he is ashamed to bring up with you. It’s also likely he has a porn addiction, but you won’t know unless you ask him and make it clear that you’re not trying to judge him and that you won’t take it personally. You’re not at all crazy for being bothered with him jerking to other women.

  5. My ex was the same, and it wasn’t a porn addiction. He wasn’t happy with himself or his life, so he wasn’t interested in me or sex. Is everything else okay? And sorry, this is ask men and I am a woman… I hope that’s okay!

  6. Sounds like porn addiction . when i was in HS jacking off too much made me want to talk to girls less and def made me complacent with self orgasm cause sex required too much effort. I could be wrong though

  7. Nope, you are 0% crazy for feeling this way. I would be up front and say less internet more you. He doesn’t know it yet probably, but his life will be better with less porn and more real people (you). Hope he can understand this and it works out okay 👍

  8. Id say the reason you rarely have sex is the jacking off. Had a female friend once in the same boat. Hes in the living room pulling his pud, while shes in the bedroom in slutty outfit and a coloured wig. She was all about anything goes as well. Anal, oral, threesome, ageplay you name it she was down. And this gormless fuck just sat in his fucking chair getting the armrests all crusty.

    Now is this addiction to porn, or is he just not that into you? Who knows. What I do know is that in my friends case the guy was just a massive prick. Took her a while, but she finally managed to gnaw her leg out of that bear trap. I shit you not, he got her pregnant just so she wouldnt leave him. Absolute thundercunt he was.

    My advice, lifes too short. Tell him to start paying you attention, or to take a fucking walk. I dont know you, but you deserve better.

  9. You’re valid. It may be a porn addiction, maybe not. Try joining his jack off sessions and maybe have some fun with that. Might help change the sexual dynamics. Wish ya the best here though

  10. He’s probably not attracted to you or you’re maybe not sexually compatible for each other. Talk to him about it, but not in a way that is aggressive, just open a line of communication about your sex life. If that proves fruitless, I’d consider breaking up. You aren’t crazy at all for wanting to be sexually valued and given attention by your own partner.

  11. Yes, of course.

    Unless he frequently chooses to jack off rather than to have sex with you. This would be a problem. Otherwise, highly incompatible libidos have to somehow work together and believe me you will not like the long term alternatives.

    Try to close the gap in libido and go to a doctor maybe ?

  12. If he’s over-using porn to the point that he’s not interested in actual sex – yea I’d be pretty fucked off too.

    Porn isn’t inherently bad, but if he’s using it as a replacement, rather than as a supplement, then that’s a problem. You have needs too – if he can’t meet them then maybe time to find someone who will.

  13. A couple comedians talked about this and I found it the best way to describe it. Loosely it went something like: women don’t really get it. It’s not like we are just constantly horny and need the hottest porn stars to get off and it’s not like we don’t love our girlfriends or wives. It’s mostly ‘maintenance’. It’s to get a dose of endorphins, a way to start or end the day, a way to keep the works working (not getting gunked up/blue balls). If you suspect there is something wrong with it, I suggest communication with your partner which should be the first thing you do, this should really be a you and him convo not a you and internet convo (I say while commenting on this through the internet)

  14. This isn’t about you. He’s addicted to pornography. I would recommend doing a little research online and become proactive. You will get nowhere with accusations, explaining how you feel, or policing him up. Good luck OP. You deserve better.

  15. TLDR: my advice, ignore my guesses below and just talk to him about it either he’ll tell you why or he won’t then it’s up to you what to do with that.

    He either
    A) has a porn addiction

    B) jacks off because he’s bored or something but doesn’t actually want sex just the release 99.5% guys masturbate more than they have sex shit there been times I’m to tired for sex (depression and third shift suck) but masturbate to get the release before knocking out.

    C) Doesn’t like something about the sex. (ASK YOUR SELF THESE QUESTIONS YOU DO NOT HAVE TO ANSWER)

    1C) have you guys talked to each other about what you like and don’t like.

    2C) Did talk about what you might want to try that you guys haven’t new position toys?

    3C) when having sex are you enthusiastic and participating or do you end up awkwardly dead fishing him? (I had an ex that was into the for play enthusiastic then when it came down to it she kids just laid there blank face. Would moan and huff but would just not really participate. Would say it was great. Well good for her I guess eventually I lost interest had sex less then I broke up with her) if he feels his needs aren’t met he may just kinda not be into the sex. Also sexual incompatibility is a real thing whether it’s how you guys do it or how often you want it etc.

    D) Doesn’t feel the connection anymore. He may not feel connected with you anymore. Are there any other issues with the relationship. Has he expressed disinterest? Has the effort in romance died in the relationship like no spontaneous shows of affection or something from either side? He may be figuring out that he doesn’t want to be in the relationship anymore but hasn’t dawned on him that’s what he wants.

    E) Stress or other Mental Reasons. Sometimes guys get stressed depressed how’s his work or if it applies school. Then to release stress masturbate and it’s easier to bust out a quickly if you got material. Now this can lead to porn addiction for many due to their subconscious then connects porn to that feeling of relief.

  16. Nope, your boy has a porn addiction. Jerking it from time to time is normal but if it’s too often we turn into mice pressing the pleasure button

  17. Like others have said already, you’re not crazy. Welcome to the world of being a heterosexual female interested in heterosexual men. They have all been fucked up by porn.

  18. Why are you even with him? He seems unattracted to you. Look at the bigger picture. Even if he has a porn addiction that’s besides the point. He needs to have a “You addiction “

  19. you need talk this out with him or even seek professional help. i’m not sure your ages or where you’re at in your relationship if that is worth it. it sounds like he may have some deeper rooted issues and a possible addiction. physical connection is important in a relationship and if you think you’ve exhausted all of your efforts then it may be time to move on or else you will slowly suffer. i’m a single dude and naturally when i get into a relationship with someone the level of self pleasure drops dramatically. i no longer even desire it much when i’m with someone who i’m attracted to.

  20. I think it’s likely he has a porn addiction if he’s choosing frequent masturbation over sex, which is a massive issue to approach on its own.

    That being said, there may be something he doesn’t like about sex (stress, feelings of inadequacy, unpleasant/not satisfying for him, etc.) and it would definitely be worthwhile asking him if there’s anything you can do to make the experience better for him.

  21. You’re not crazy.

    Disagreements about sex habits tend to be a symptom of some other relational stuff.

    If you’re available, accommodating, and able, yet he still prefers solo play, there’s usually something else going on that’s getting in the way of him being intimate.

    EDIT someone mentioned him perhaps being asexual. He could be demisexual, which describes someone who needs to be in a healthy romantic relationship with someone to feel sexually attracted to them. (This describes me.)

    Masturbating to porn works because porn actors aren’t viewed as people, but as objects.

    So, if he’s demi, then there may be relationship stuff that’s preventing him from feeling sexual with you.

  22. He almost certainly has a porn addiction if he’s forgoing sex to masturbate to porn. Source – someone who’s had a porn addiction and was doing exactly what your partner is doing. Could be a myriad of reasons why he has this addiction. My advice would be to bring this up to him, if he won’t even acknowledge he has a problem then it’s difficult to see where you go from there as he needs to recognise it before taking steps to fix it. Also check out r/pornfree for some more advice/understanding around this

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